


Top Secret

by SomedayonBroadway



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Depression, F/M, Jack is hiding something, Modern AU, Past Suicide Attempt, Race Centric, others are mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-09-17 15:05:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16976865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomedayonBroadway/pseuds/SomedayonBroadway
Summary: On the outside, everything was normal. Well, as normal as it could be. But things aren't always what they seem. Especially not with secrets like his...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I'm very excited about this one. No one asked for it, but I wrote it anyway because this idea came into my brain and I loved it. I'm not gonna give away anything, but I hope this one hooks you guys in!
> 
> I have the first four chapters posted on FanFiction, but I can’t wait to get a little feedback over here too! 
> 
> Also, as I get further into this one, I will be taking suggestions for a new title. I'm not sure how I feel about this one, lol.
> 
> Anyways,
> 
> Please enjoy!

His footsteps echoed as he desperately ran through the streets of Manhattan. They were heavy and clumsy. More an act of survival than one of grace and stealth. An alleyway was the first thing he could spot that might give him an escape. He made the quick turn into it, dodging out of some other guy's way, ignoring the angry shout he got. "Hey! I just bought this coffee, you little-!" The boy couldn't turn back now. But that thick Brooklyn accent made him flinch along with the vague outline he'd seen of the guy. Not super tall, but strong as hell.

He kept running.

The thud of his backpack made him contemplate dropping the thing. But he knew he might as well just get hit by a car if he dropped it, because he'd surely be murdered for it later. So he pulled his hood further over his blond curls of hair and kept going, doing his best to ignore it. Doing his best to not let it slow him down.

More footsteps echoed behind him. And the profanities being screamed at him came with them. His perusers laughed at him as he ran, desperate to get away. And when he came to the edge of an alley, someone fell off of their skateboard. He jumped over it, barely even thinking about it. He hoped the others behind him would trip over it. From the angry shouts he still had behind him, he figured they hadn't. So he snuck a glance behind him. Almost immediately, that action was regretted. They were so much closer than they had been before. So he kept running straight through the traffic.

Horns blared and people shouted. Told him to get out of the road. He didn't give them so much as a glance. "Get outta the road, brat!" He slid over the hood of a taxi. The driver screamed at him. He still didn't stop.

He just needed to make it a few more blocks. Through a few more alleys and he would be safe. He was so close. He should've known he wouldn't make it that far.

As he rushed into another alley, he passed a wall of dumpsters. He didn't see the man waiting beside them. Or the other boy standing loyally beside him. The one with the crutch. And as he ran by the man, the guy caught the loop at the top of the kid's backpack and for a moment, the boy was suspended in the air, kicking and punching, desperate to continue running. He struggled but was set back on the ground and spun around.

"Dammit..." he mumbled out between breaths. He was panting. Gasping for air. But damn it, he should have known.

"Well, well, well..." The footsteps behind him were suddenly caught up with him. And he felt himself shoved behind the man that just stopped him from getting away. The other boy with the crutch had yet to move. And he watched from behind the guy, seeing two boys. They smirked at him. "Little Racetrack needs a body guard, does he?"

Race wheezed for air as he watched from behind the man. He grabbed the man's arm, trying to pull him away. But the guy was bolted to the ground.

The two bullies lunged at Racetrack, causing Race to stumble backwards, almost falling to the ground at the sudden threat. But he watched as the man- early twenties at most- grabbed the smaller boy, the one that was closer to Race, and shoved him backwards. "Move along, fellas. Nothin' what concerns you here," he scowled, glaring at both the bullies. They only laughed.

"Actually, _Kelly_ ," the older of the two corrected. "Higgins had an appointment with us. Scheduled it himself. Library exit, 2:45."

Jack bit back a groan and turned to give his brother a stern look before he turned back to the two boys who were also staring the kid down. Race just pulled the hood over his head further, letting his pale skin fall beneath shadows as he continued to try and catch his breath. "Barely got there 'fore he ran. Too scared a' gettin' your ass kicked, huh Higgins?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Leave him alone, Oscar. Or did ya forget who could march ova' ta your principal and get ya expelled for things like this?" That seemed to shut the boy up, despite the scowl and glare he got in response. So he smirked, crossing his strong arms over his chest. "Get lost... 'fore I call the cops."

The two bullies weren't quiet about their exit. Not in the least. The older of the two had to grab the others arm and steer him away, not missing his chance at staring Jack down. Though, the man couldn't find it in himself to be intimidated. After all, what were a couple of high school students to him? He turned and watched them shove his brother out of their way. Race made no move to argue. After all, at least they were leaving. But that wasn't before the older one grabbed the front of his sweatshirt and balled it up on his fist. "This ain't ova', slick," the boy growled. "See ya tomorrow."

And then they were off, walking down the alley and away from the three boys. Race didn't even look at Jack. His piercing blue eyes immediately found the boy with the crutch, still standing to the side of the whole scene. "You told him?" he whined, clearly annoyed and angered at this.

The boy with the crutch pushed himself off the wall and scoffed. "No. I didn't tell Jack that you's scheduled a fight with the Delanceys so they wouldn't shove ya in a locker earlier. Because that would be insensitive." His voice dripped with sarcasm and Race just stared him down, clearly frustrated with the boy's choices. "You needed help, Race. If I didn't tell, Jack-"

"Crutchie, it's okay," Jack interrupted, stepping in front of his brother who still had a hood over his head. "That's enough. They're gone. Now let me see," he said, expectingly. But Race didn't move. He only pursed his lips in pure frustration and let his eyes fall, downcast at the ground while Crutchie limped over to them, standing on Race's right, waiting to see the damage as well. So Jack sighed. "Fine." And he grabbed his brother's arm and pulled him closer. Just as the boy was about to protest, the hood was shoved off of his head and his blond curls were exposed. Along with a new, bright red mark just along his right jaw.

Crutchie hissed when he saw it. There would be a bruise there for a while. "Jesus, Race..." the boy watched his oldest brother's reaction. But the twenty-three-year-old held a completely straight face. It amazed Crutchie how well Jack could keep his emotions at bay. Though, Crutchie knew one thing; If either of them were in more danger than some stupid bullies seeking a punching bag, Jack's calmness would be gone in a millisecond. But at that moment, he didn't want to think about what had happened a year ago to make that happen. To make Jack panic. It was still too painful. So he just watched Jack carefully reach and grab Race's chin.

"God, kid..." the twenty-three-year old mumbled as he drew Race closer to him, letting Crutchie step up beside him to also survey the damage. Just the one bruise. But it wasn't a nice one. "Can ya move it?"

Race let himself nod. He told himself to not pull away. He told himself that Jack wouldn't even let him in the first place. But he hated ending the day like this. He hated when Jack found him like this. He hated that he had this problem in the first place. But he just scowled a bit, not at Jack. More at the bullies who hated him enough to give him a pretty nasty bruise. But when his big brother tried turn his face a few different ways to check him over to make sure he wasn't hurt anywhere else, Race pulled away from him, ripping his chin from the grip. "I can take care of myself, Jack!" he insisted.

The man scoffed. "Yeah I see how well that was goin' for you." Obviously not well if the past few years had anything to say about it.

Race scowled at his brother. He pulled the hood back over his head, wishing he could just curl up in a ball and hide, forgetting about that look on both of their faces. The worry. All they did was worry. About him, no less. Sure, he worried about them too. But the feeling was so much different when it was coming at him. "It's fine, Jack. _I'm_ fine."

"Oh yeah, Race," Crutchie mocked, stepping fully in front of the older boy. "You're fine. Just like you were a few months ago when ya came home with a broken arm. Or like a few weeks ago when ya passed out cause they hit ya on the head." The fifteen-year-old shook his head. "But you was 'just fine,' Race. Just like always."

The words hit him hard. But his blue eyes refused to show the emotion he felt inside. Because when his baby brother looked at him like he was, all Race could feel was guilt. It ate him alive when Crutchie was disappointed in him or had tears in his eyes because of him. So his gaze shifted, meeting the ground rather than trying to explain himself. Rather than trying to defend that he could take care of himself. Jack was right. It hadn't been going well for the last few years.

Masking the emotion in his throat, the boy took as deep a breath as he could. "Look... can we just go home?" A simple enough request. All he wanted was to go home. His safe place. "I... I's got homework ta do..." he mumbled out after, hoping it would let Jack know he was serious and didn't want anything more than their home.

A small sigh was heard before a gentle arm wrapped around his shoulder. From what he could guess, another was wrapped around his little brother as well. And Race let himself be lead away from that alley and towards his safe haven, his feet dragging on the ground as he melted into the embrace.

Their apartment was decent. Cozy, warm and filled with family type things. Not a traditional family, but a family none the less. A close family. Pictures littered the walls and the tables. Proud and happy moments out on display for everyone who was allowed inside.

The front door was pushed open and Race felt a sense of warmth and security run through him. He didn't even have to look around to see the opening to the kitchen on his right or the couch sitting in front of the television right before him. If he kept walking straight, he'd meet the hallway that led to his bedroom. But right then, that couch was what Race craved the most.

His bag dropped to the ground, landing with a thud as his two brothers trickled in behind him. Race knew Crutchie was headed straight for their small kitchen table, ready to finish up his homework so he could relax. But all Racetrack wanted to do was curl up on the couch and watch old cartoons until he fell asleep. Unfortunately for him, Jack saw him with that look in his eyes.

"Don't even think about it, Racer," he said, playfully shoving Race's head, being careful of the bruise spreading up his jawline. "Not until homework is done."

Race groaned. He'd known that would be coming. But he still had hope that Jack would just leave him alone. He should have known that his big brother cared to much to do that. So the boy glared at the man as he winked and walked into the kitchen. "Killjoy..." he muttered, slowly picking up his bag and following his family into the other room.

"Jack... I don't 'memba' how ta do this..." Crutchie was slouched in a chair already, staring at a blank worksheet with intense concentration. And it was only a matter of seconds before he was chewing on the end of his pencil, stressing over work he didn't understand. Race wished he could take that stress away from him. But all he could do was sit down across from him at the small, round table and take out his own work.

Jack smiled and hovered over his youngest brother. The baby of the family. He leaned over the boy, resting his chin on his messy blond hair before glancing over the sheet. "It's just a bit a' chemistry, kid..." The man gently eased the kid's pencil away from his mouth. "Weren't ya payin' attention when they was teachin' ya?" He leaned down, slinging an arm over his brother's shoulders and trying to make sense of the page himself.

The youngest boy shrugged. "I wus tryin' ta pay attention, but JoJo ran outta his medication and couldn't stop talkin' taday." The kid shook his head. "I's had ta pass notes with 'im ta keep him from gettin' in trouble... ya know how much the teacha's hate it when he can't sit still." In fact, Jack did know.

JoJo wasn't the only one of Crutchie's friends that had problems like this. ADHD was just one of the many issues Jack had seen with the boys that Crutchie had grown closer with over the years. He was used to coming home at night to three boys instead of two. Sometimes more. Because sometimes, those boys couldn't go home. Jack understood that. So he just pulled another blanket over the stowaways on his couch and went to bed, fully prepared to feed them in the morning and send them off to school.

The way Crutchie talked about his friends made Race smile. His baby brother had a heart big enough to fit the whole world inside, and then some. "Betcha you could find the entire answer key online," the blue-eyed boy offered with a smirk, only laughing when his guardian glared at him.

" _Or_ , ya could get out ya text book and actually try n' learn somethin', unlike your cheata' of a brotha'." Race tried to duck out of the way when Jack reached over to ruffle his hair, but he wasn't quite fast enough. He never was.

As much as they all hated homework, this was their favorite time of the day. No bullies, no teachers, no nothing except for them. Jack loved helping his brothers with their work. Because as long as all of them were together, they were laughing and messing around with each other. They were happy when they were together. Mostly. After all, brothers couldn't get along all the time. But for now, all was well with the world.

It wasn't long before Race's feet were up on the table and his notebook was in his lap. He was looking over the numbers and letters and trying not to let them get to his head. He hated math. It was a known fact. And as Jack set down a glass of water in front of him, he made sure to carefully press a kiss to the side of his head. "Don't stress, kid. Just a few more problems and you can go relax." Then an ice pack was shoved into his free hand so he could ice his aching jaw.

Thinking straight was hard for Race. It had been for a long time. And his brothers knew that. So the seventeen-year-old nodded, biting his tongue and telling himself nothing would get done if he kept talking and mouthing off.

"When's Ace comin' ova' Jack?" The question came out of no where, being that no one had spoken of the subject all day. But it was a known fact that if Jack was off early, he was having his high school sweetheart over for dinner.

Their guardian shrugged. "Few hours. Wants ta watch a movie with you guys afta' dinna'," he stated, casually.

Race nodded, momentarily looking up and watching his brother wash dishes from earlier that morning. But what he saw made him do a double-take. Being that Jack's sleeves were pushed further up on his arms, a very big, very recent bruise was creeping down from his elbow, threatening to take over his wrist. He was out of his seat in a second. "Jack, what the hell happened ta your arm?"

If his big brother paled for a moment, Race didn't notice. He was too busy taking the bruised limb in his hands and trying to look it over, while Crutchie worriedly turned around in his seat, wondering what was going on. But Jack pulled away and pulled his sleeve down quick, completely straight faced. "It's nothin', boys. Just fell down yesterday. No big deal."

This was not the first time Jack had told them things like this.

"Jackie?" Crutchie slowly rose from his chair and limped over to his brothers. "Is someone hurtin' ya?" The question was asked carefully. It made Jack feel sick, actually, having gone through the same conversation almost two years ago, when two high school bullies decided to start picking on his little brother. When his little brother started coming home with bruises and cuts that lead to things far worse than that.

"What?" Jack laughed. "No!" He pulled his arm away from Race- who was still trying to gently grab it- and looked between his two brothers who looked so concerned in that moment. This was the third time this month they'd found a bruise on him. And Jack was having trouble keeping up with it. "Fellas, I'm okay. I swear." Crutchie still stared at his arm and Race eyed him suspiciously. So Jack fully turned from the sink, shutting off the water and setting the pan he'd been holding down, inside it. He leaned back against the counter, folding his arms over his chest and watching as his brothers stared him down. "Look, boys... sometimes... me an' some a' my coworkers like ta spar a little. It ain't no big deal. N' I didn't tell ya about it cause I didn't want you guys ta think I was doin' it fer any reason. It's just ta let loose a little, alright?"

The room was quiet for a moment, processing information. It was a decent excuse, they supposed. Clean. Believable. After a minute, Crutchie spoke, quietly. "Can ya tell us when ya get hurt next time?" He was slowly buying the story. And Jack smirked before nodding.

"You got it, kid," he promised. It was only fair. After all, if Race or Crutchie got hurt and they tried to keep that from him, they'd be lectured within the hour before Jack held them and let them tell him what happened. So telling them he had a minor bruise every now and then couldn't hurt.

The boy with the crutch nodded, satisfied with his brother's answer. And Jack almost went back to what he was doing. But when his eyes met Race's, he froze. Those blue eyes were squinting at him.

Something was off. Something had been off for a long time. Jack had always been pretty closed off about his work. Never really getting into detail when they asked him how his day went. He would always just say if it was good or bad and leave it at that, asking them in return, letting them rant off to him about how awful high school could be. And Race knew that. He figured Jack didn't like to talk about work because he didn't like bringing the stress home with him. But lately...

_"Someone opened the door when I was standin' right next ta it."_

_"Just tripped on the way ta work."_

_"Some jackass tried ta steal my wallet. Don't worry, the cops got him."_

Something was happening. Something that Jack wasn't saying.

"You're hidin' somethin'," Race accused, staring Jack down like if he tried hard enough, he could see right into his thoughts and just know everything his brother did. Because he hated it when Jack tried to hide things from him. It didn't happen often.

Jack stood there stunned for a moment. _Why is this so hard?_ he thought to himself, bitterly. He cocked his head to the side as he squinted his eyes back at the boy, trying his best to look confused. "Hidin' somethin'? Why would I do that, Racer?"

For a moment, Race tried to think. After all, everything Jack did was in their best interest, right? So why was he accusing Jack of such things? He didn't know. It was something about that look in his eyes. Or maybe the way he adjusted his jacket that he had yet to take off. It could've been the way Jack smiled at him. He didn't know. But something felt weird.

All the boy could do was shrug. "Somethin' just seems... different. I dunno..." Race wanted to let it go and pretend he hadn't noticed anything off. But as he backed away from his brother, he could've sworn he saw his body relax at the lack of more questions. The blond boy bit his lip. He may be done with the conversation, but the topic was no where near dropped. Not by a long shot.

Lucky for Jack, his brothers had always had a hard time staying focused for long.

"Hey, Race?" Crutchie asked slowly. The boy in question looked up as he took his seat again, attempting to get back to work.

"Yeah, Crutch?"

"We should get a dog."

Jack held in a chuckle at the random statement. But his other brother looked up, completely straight faced and responded, "Okay. Let's name him Archie."

The conversation went on like that until the homework had been done. And all Jack could do was smile and watch and be happy that his brothers were there in that apartment, with him. He loved that. He'd worked hard for that. The apartment was more than a place to live. For them, it was their own little world outside of the one they had to walk out in every morning. And none of them would ever be more grateful for the place they got to call home. A place where they could be themselves without the threats looming over them. Everything there was sacred to them.

A few hours later, homework was thrown aside, being... _mostly_ done. And Race was rummaging through the fridge, a hand of cards in his hand while Crutchie still sat at the table, a very similar hand of cards in his hand. "Still think your winnin' this one, little brotha'?"

The boy at the table smirked and fingered his cards. "Dunno Race. I think ya might be underestimatin' me," he retorted, watching as his big brother walked back with a beer in his hand. "N' I think ya might not realize that Jack knows _everythin',_ " he gestured to the cold bottle in Race's hands. And the older boy just winked, not responding to the statement.

"'S a good thing 'e went ta get takeout then," the older boy laughed, popping the bottle open and lifting it up to his lips. But right as he would've taken a swig...

"'S a good thing I's back then, ain't it?" The bottle was taken right out of his hand and Race spun around to watch his big brother take a sip and smirk at him, putting down the bags of takeout on the table, right in between the boys' card game.

"Ja-ack..."

Another laugh rang out through the kitchen. A woman's laugh. And the boys looked over to see their brother's hand attached to another. "Hiya Ace!" Crutchie stood and grabbed his crutch that had been leaning against the table. He limped over to the woman and threw his arms around her, only for her to follow suit, letting go of her boyfriend's hand and holding the boy tightly.

"Hey, Charlie!"

Race scowled at his brother. But Jack just raised his eyebrows at him, mildly disappointed. "You know the rules, Racer. No alcohol 'less 'm here and it's a weekend."

"But Jack-" Race tried to complain, ready to put up the same argument they had every time he tried to sneak a beer behind his brother's back. It had been a long day. It had been a _bad_ day. But Jack held up a hand.

"Is it Friday?"

"No, but-"

"Was I here?" Race remained silent. He knew Jack was right. He set the rules in that house. And he really was being more than fair not grounding Race right then and there. So Race sat back down, not challenging his brother more when the man took another swig of beer.

Katherine pressed a kiss to Crutchie's head before pulling away from him and stepping towards where the other boy was sitting at the table. "Don't think about it so much, Tony. He's only doing it cause he loves you," she assured, wrapping her arms around the boy from behind and kissing him on the cheek, making him give her a tight smile before she pulled away. "Besides, who needs beer when I brought ice cream?"

Yup. It was a pretty normal night.

The blue-eyed boy turned in his seat, a grin threatening to take over his features as Katherine pulled away. "Mint chocolate chip?" he questioned expectantly, as if there was no other right answer to that question than yes. And Katherine scoffed.

"No, vanilla," she answered, sarcasm falling from her lips as she pulled out a tub of ice cream from a grocery bag. Indeed it was mint chocolate chip.

The night went on like any other one. The boys and their Ace ate their food and their ice cream and lay on the couch together watching some movie they were questioning and ridiculing the entire night long. Especially Jack and Katherine, assuring their boys that none of what the hero had been doing in their vast attempts to save the world was humanly possible. And Race and Crutchie would laugh it off. Things like this happened all the time.

By the time the credits were rolling, Katherine was in Jack's lap, trying very hard not to give up and be very intimate with the high schoolers sitting in the same room. So far, Jack was whispering in Katherine's ear and she was giggling at all the little comments he made and he pulled her closer to him every time she tried to get up.

Crutchie was comfortably sitting on the other end of the couch, his leg propped up on the coffee table and the remote control set in his lap as he watched the ending scenes while the words slowly ran across the screen. And Race was sitting on the ground in between all of them. He was dozing a bit as his brother and his brother's girl quietly conversed on the couch and his little brother finally stopped the movie, taking it out of the DVD player.

That was his chance. Maybe he could just slip out and into his room before anyone noticed. After all, it was around eleven at night by then, and he did have school the next morning. Maybe they'd leave him alone. So he quietly stood, making sure his footsteps were light as he began to walk away. But Crutchie was right.

Jack knew _everything_.

"Whoa whoa whoa, kiddo..." The groan didn't make it past the boy's lips. He made it as far as the hallway before his guardian stopped him simply by speaking. Race knew better than to keep going. "You betta' be doin' what I think you're doin'." Jack's voice was gentle, but left no room for argument. And he sat up, Katherine still on his lap as he made eye contact with his brother in the darkened room.

The boy in the hallway turned and saw three pairs of eyes on him. He leaned against the wall and glared at his big brother, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting at the man. "I took 'em already," Race muttered, looking at the ground, unable to look his brother in the eyes while lying through his teeth. All he got in response was a scoff from his baby brother.

"Yeah, an' I ran the mile last week," Crutchie joked, sitting himself back down on the couch. Race glared at him, but it didn't do much. Because soon, Jack was setting Ace down next to their little brother, and coming over to him to have a quieter conversation.

Race didn't look up when the man stepped in front of him. But then a hand clipped his chin and all he could do was let his piercing blue eyes meet Jack's forest green ones. His big brother was shielding him from sight of the other two. But that didn't make the boy any less uncomfortable. "Look, kid... I know you don' like 'em-"

"I don' _need_ 'em!" he quickly defended, not moving out of his brother's grip but practically pleading through big eyes for Jack to just let this one go. He didn't.

It broke his heart to see Race like this. It broke his heart to have to make sure his baby brother did something as awful as this. But it was a fact. Race needed it. "You know that ain't true, baby brotha'."

A heavy silence fell over them for a moment. Neither of them wanted to say anything more. They just wished for everything bad in their world to simply melt away. All that would be left was the four of them. Jack, Race, Crutchie and Katherine. Then they would be okay. But they couldn't change the past. They couldn't stop what had already happened.

"Just take 'em fer me please, Anthony?" Jack requested, pressing a quick kiss to the bridge of his brother's nose. "There only there ta help ya."

The boy didn't respond. He tried to ignore the fact that his brother and the closest thing he had to a sister were sitting in silence and listening to their conversation. He tried to ignore the way the world seemed heavier every time Jack had have this talk with him. He tried to ignore the tug at the back of his mind telling him that this was his own fault. That he shouldn't expect Jack to be any less worried. That if he'd just tried to talk to them to begin with, he wouldn't be pulling away from Jack without saying a word and going into the bathroom to pull a bottle of pills out of the medicine cabinet.

Jack followed him, of course, and watched him responsibly take the anti-depressants and whatever else his doctors had him on. He hated them. He hated the way his big brother had to watch him take them every time he could. He hated the way it felt when they were sliding down his throat. He hated the way he had to take them before bed because all they would do was make him feel drowsy and exhausted. And as Race filled up a cup in the sink and downed the water, letting the pills fall with it, Jack was still there, leaning against the doorframe, casually watching his every move.

"Happy?" the boy asked quietly as he finished, wiping his face with his sleeve and turning to lean against the counter.

But his big brother nodded with a relieved look on his face. "Yeah..." he sighed, running a hand through his thick brown hair. He didn't like that they had this routine either. But he'd never admit that. "Now go get ta bed. You n' Charlie got school in the mornin'." So Race nodded and headed towards the door. Jack let him pass, smiling when he didn't miss his brother muttering under his breath about just going to Katherine's place for the night. "Goodnight, Racer!" he called with a smile, watching the boy slowly trudge into his bedroom.

"'Night Jack..." the younger boy muttered as he shut the door to his bedroom, no doubt ready to get in bed as those drugs took quick effect. Jack smiled as he heard the boy yawn and his face only brightened as someone else walked behind him. Well, two someones. One wrapping their arms around his waist from behind and the other simply standing beside him.

"Did he take all of 'em?" Crutchie asked, curiously. Jack simply nodded in assurance, easing the boy's worries for their brother. "Alright. Well, I'll see you in the mornin', Jack." The blond boy let his brother pull him in for a kiss on the forehead and Katherine ruffled his hair from her position behind her man. They said their goodnights, but just as the kid was about to walk away, he turned to them again. "Oh, and Kathy?"

The woman in question raised her eyebrows, still not moving. "Next time ya sneak out the window, don't forget ta close it behind ya." He winked when her whole face flushed and Jack's eyes widened. "Goodnight."

Shock took over the couple as the fifteen-year-old boy limped his way down the hall, stopping to knock on his brother's door. "Goodnight, Tony. I love you!"

It wasn't long before he got a response. "Love you too, Charlie!"

And then the doors were shut and all that was left was Jack and Katherine, standing stunned in the hallway. And after a few moments of silence, Katherine's rushed, whispered voice met Jack's ear. "We've been compromised."

Jack laughed and turned around, suddenly picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. "Who's hiding?" And he ran to the door across from the other two bedrooms as she squealed and laughed in his hold. Then the door was shut and before they knew it, they were under the covers of his bed, lip-locked, trying to be as quiet as they could be with to teenage boys right across the hall.

It was just like any other night.


	2. Chapter 2

It was the next morning when Crutchie smiled as he glanced from the window to his two brothers up in the front seat of the car. This was his favorite time of day. The car ride to school. One that didn't necessarily happen everyday. One where Jack would look over at Race's sleeping form in the passenger seat and chuckle to himself a little bit. One where all of them had a minute to think. It was rare they had that. A peaceful second. One without a lot of sound or nagging. The youngest boy, always in the backseat, cherished every second of it.

One thing the boy never did miss in the morning, was the sunrise. He knew his brothers didn't always care too much. He couldn't blame them. After all, Jack was... well... Jack. Always moving. Always running around. Barely having a second to himself because his work hours were hell and everyone knew it. And then Race who... well... Crutchie didn't like to think about it all that much. Race who rarely ever got a goodnight sleep; Race who had to take pills and be watched day and night; Race who had every right to hate the world because it was so cruel to him... Crutchie sighed just thinking about it. His big brother normally used that time to sleep. It was better for him.

But that sunrise was worth watching. Every second of it. It rose above the high buildings with so much grace and beauty that sometimes Crutchie wondered if it was real. He loved it when the sky turned pink everything would just become this beautiful, perfect color as the day began; As the world awoke once again. For a moment, all Crutchie could do was close his eyes and let the warmth of the morning light hit his skin as they rode closer and closer to the place even he- the optimistic, awestruck kid- hated going.

He was disabled. He knew that. It was only shoved down his throat everyday at that godawful place.

_"What are you doing? The elevator's that way."_

_"Are you sure you want to take gym? You don't have to..."_

_"Get outta my way, crip!"_

Going alone would be pure torture. Crutchie knew it. So did everyone else. Which is why he was beyond grateful for his big brother. He was sure that they wouldn't survive without each other.

Opening his eyes, Crutchie looked up at the sunrise once more. He wished he could remain there forever. He truly did. But something was bound to break that. Something that would break the boy's short attention span. Something that would suddenly be more important. Something like being stopped at a stoplight and looking over and seeing a black car speeding down from the street next to them. For a minute, nothing occurred in Crutchie to say something. For a moment, nothing was out in the ordinary. Well, not until that car didn't stop.

"Jack?" the kid called, unsure of what to do or say. But that car was going really fast. And they weren't moving anytime soon.

A bit startled by the sudden sound of his kid brother's somewhat panicked voice, Jack glanced back in the mirror. "Yeah, kid? What's up?" He brother paled a bit. He looked terrified of whatever was out his window and all it took was the child pointing in that direction for Jack to see it too. His green eyes widened, shocked for a moment. That car was about ten seconds away from hitting them. Ten seconds away from hitting both of his brothers, possibly killing them both on impact. "Oh sh-"

It was a miracle Jack didn't scream as he moved, thanking God that no one was behind him. His hands were faster than lightning as he quickly moved the car into reverse and slammed on the gas. He heard Race gasp as he was thrown forward and almost hit his head on the dashboard and he heard Crutchie scream a little bit as the black SUV sped past them, nearly taking the front of the car with them.

Everything was silent except their labored breathing.

Jack's heart was beating so fast, he gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

Race's blue eyes were so wide that he feared they might fall out of his head, having been scared awake that way.

Crutchie's whole body was shaking with the adrenaline that that consumed him within seconds.

The light ahead of them turned green. They didn't move.

Jack let them sit in the middle of the street for a moment while they all caught their breath. While his brothers calmed for a second. Then, he slowly began moving to the side of the rode. He parked and without a second thought, turned to his boys. "Are you alright?" he asked in somewhat of a rush. "Are you both alright?" His voice was kind and soft, but they could all hear the slight panic behind it.

"What the hell was that?" Race was on the verge of a panic attack. That much was clear. But he closed his eyes and laid his head back, trying to gain back control. Desperate to stay calm.

Crutchie wanted to ignore it. He wanted to ignore the panicked look on his guardians face. The one that was only there for a split second before it was replaced with confusion and terror. "Some asshole wasn't payin' attention!" He screamed in the direction the car had gone. Then he turned back to the two boys, trying to hold back tears. They'd almost just lost their lives. Crutchie could see the unshed, frightened tears in Jack's eyes too. No doubt he'd never be able to live with himself if he'd lost both of them within seconds. Or ever, for that matter.

"Are either of you hurt?" The question brought Crutchie somewhat out of his shock. The boy quickly began to check himself over. A few bruises from the seatbelt, but nothing too serious. He shook his head back and forth and then they both looked to Race who still had yet to move from his calming position. "Race?" Jack asked, quietly. The boy still did not move.

"'m fine..." the kid let out, his voice quivering. But both of his brothers could see that his knuckles were white as the gripped onto armrests. All Jack could do was run hands through the kid's hair and try to calm him down, along with glancing back too often to make sure his youngest brother was okay.

Needless to say, they didn't arrive at the high school till about twenty minutes later; Fifteen minutes after they should have arrived. Both boys sat, staring at the school with distaste and fear as what had just happened had put them a bit on edge. Jack didn't blame them. He'd thought more than once in the past half hour about driving them back home. About letting them sleep it off or relax a bit. God knows they needed it. But he didn't want to take that chance. Not right now.

Hearing Crutchie sniffle practically broke his heart. But he knew that it was better this way. It had to be better this way. "Okay, c'mere..." he opened up his arms. They were in them within seconds. If they both could've crawled into his lap at that moment, Jack had no doubt that's what would've happened. He hated it when they were scared. They trusted him to keep them safe... All he could do was press a kiss to both of their heads. "I love you, boys. So much..." He got two mumbled responses back. It was clear to him that neither one of them wanted to get out of the car. But he knew that he only had a few more minutes before he was getting chewed out by his boss for being so incredibly late. "I'll see you after school, yeah? Just a few hours... I'll try ta be home earlier today..."

It took a long time. It took lots of encouragement. Eventually, Jack was able to get Crutchie out of the car. Race, however, clung to Jack for dear life, silent and unmoving like a small child who was going to kindergarten for the first time. It wasn't an unnatural response from the kid. It was no secret he didn't like it there. It was no secret that Race had hard times there and Jack wished beyond anything he could just go with him. Protect him from everything. But he could only rub the boy's back and whisper, "Come on, kid... class starts in three minutes... ya gotta go..."

Crutchie stood, waiting for his brother to let go. "Race, c'mon. Medda promised that if ya get through the week without ditching, she'd make cupcakes for ya," he recalled with a smile. That made Jack's face melt into a smile as he laughed a bit.

"You've just got our poor neighbor wrapped around your finger, don't ya?" Jack laughed, relieved as Race hesitantly let go and began to sit up. They worked together in wiping away the frightened tears.

"She's the one who offers!" Race protested, a light laugh coming along with it. It amazed Jack how his brother could have such flexible moods. One minute he was terrified, the next he was _laughing_. If Jack hadn't been so used to it, it might've been scary.

"Get outta here, kid," Jack smiled, shooing his brother's off to school as they were just about to close the gates. "Have a good day!"

He watched them like a hawk. He had to. It was all he truly knew how to do when he was dropping them off. Whenever they left his sight... he never wanted to admit that he was scared. But he was. He wanted to believe that they were safe. But truly, he didn't know. He could only pray that what had happened that morning would never happen again. Not as long as he lived. So once he'd lost sight of his brothers, he pulled out his phone. It wasn't long before a bitter smile met his lips. "O' course," he hissed angrily.

_Mouth, **7** missed calls._

Tapping the screen and putting the device up to his ear, Jack waited about three seconds before he heard a dull crackling sound. Before the other man could get a word out, Jack was already talking. "What the _hell_ , Davey?!" By then, the car was speeding away from the school, probably leaving dark tracks behind it.

Race's leg bounced up and down plenty quickly. He was anxious. With what had happened that morning, he had the right to be. School had never been particularly nice to him. And almost dying always put him on edge a little, even in all the different ways it always seemed to find him.

Worry was eating at him. Worry for his little brother who was probably just as scared as him and...

Race hated thinking about it. But what else was there to think? Jack was hiding something. Something dangerous. Or, maybe he was just over speculating. That could be it. The bruises, they were just from messing around. Right? _Sparring_. That's what Jack has said earlier. But the way Jack had let out a breath after they'd bought the story, it got to Race. He didn't like it. Jack never lied to them. Jack cared about them. Jack wasn't their mother. He was different. Race knew that. But still... something wasn't right.

His own worry was distracting. Not that he would've been paying attention anyways. Chewing on his pencil and doodling was much more entertaining. In fact, he came to realize that what had once been an empty spiral notebook page, was now full of shapes and shades he could only vaguely recall making.

It would never be as good as Jack's art. His paintings were so realistic that Race sometimes thought he could reach through the canvas and touch whatever was staring back at him. And it would never be as good as the pictures that Crutchie took. That kid always chose the right moment to snap a picture. Knew how to get it to look like how he wanted it. Exactly. It was still a mystery to Race. But he loved it. He loved them. Looking at the cartoon doodle in front of him was pathetic compared to them. He didn't deserve them. They were pure and good and he was... Race.

The picture in front of him was what appeared to be a monster. It didn't take Race long to figure out that he'd drawn a Delancey. The thing looked about ready to eat the smaller boy in the picture. The boy who looked kinda scared and surprised at the same time, his eyes practically bulging out of his head and his tiny hands gripping to the straps of his backpack. There were some shaded lockers in the background along with details that the boy didn't pay much attention to. He'd most likely drawn the same thing before. He couldn't find it in himself to care too much.

Race stared at the picture for a long time. The lights were out in the room and the projector would've hurt his eyes. He didn't want to read the board or take notes. He wanted out of that room. Especially when _it_ started.

It always started.

A force from behind him shoved his head forward. "Hey loser, ya dumb er somethin'?"

The blond boy bit back a groan. With the morning he'd been having, anxious tears wouldn't have been uncalled for. But he held it in. It was all he could do. Unfortunately, that didn't make it stop. His chair was shoved forward from behind and he gripped the sides of it when he torso was shoved into the desk in front of him.

"We's told ya this wasn't ova', Higgins," the boy sneered in his ear from behind. "Just do like we says an' it'll be ova' quick..."

The warning didn't help. Do what they want? No way in hell. No matter how broken Racetrack was, he did not roll over and give the bad guys what they wanted. He fought till the bitter end, even if sometimes he thought he might not even make it out.

_"Not like he'd care, anyways..."_

Those bitter words made Race cringe. The ones that echoed in his head too much. The ones said by his best friend. By his little brother...

It was a long time ago. That didn't make it any easier. That didn't make it any less of a wake up call. Race was selfish and stupid and he knew it. Those words hurt. He'd deserved them.

When the back of his shirt was grabbed and he was forced backwards, the boy gasped in surprise. "Don' run away this time, Race... I ain't in the mood fer huntin' today..."

That was it. Race was done. Without warning he stood abruptly and grabbed his bag. He all but ran to the door, ignoring his teacher's call for him to sit down and explain what had caused such an outburst. He didn't give a damn that the door slammed on his way out. He made a beeline for the bathroom and made sure it was empty before he sat down in a stall and did the only thing he could've done. He took out his phone...

_Please pick up the phone, Jack... please..._

"Crutchie! It's your turn..."

Indeed it was. Snapping out of his trance, the boy in question looked up from his notes to see that the piece of paper had once again been passed back to him. The boy that had whined at him was practically bouncing up and down in attempts to keep himself quiet. Crutchie smiled. Ten games of tic tac toe and somehow they'd managed each win three and tie the rest. There was never a winner with them. At least, that always how it seemed.

"Gimme a break, Jo. Some a' us still wanna graduate someday," the fifteen year old responded with a slight chuckle, resetting the board and putting an x in an empty space. He was hardly strategizing anymore. It was mostly just him trying to keep JoJo's mind busy. It would be like this for about a week. And Crutchie didn't mind. After all, he'd dealt with worse.

JoJo tapped his pen against his chin and glanced at the board for a second before a light caught his attention. "Charlie?" The boy hummed in response, going back to his notes and trying to focus on too many things at once. "You got a text from Jack..."

_... crap..._

Without a second thought, Crutchie threw his notes down on the lab table and grabbed the device.

_Go find ur brother. Called me 3 times. Cant answer the phone. Hes not ok._

Without a word, Crutchie was out of his seat, pocketing his phone and limping to the other side of the room. Rushing to the door, forgetting about his things and about anything else, the boy gabbed the door handle.

"Excuse me, Mr. Morris!" His teacher was outraged. By the sound of it, he was about to get a detention or something. Crutchie froze, unsure of exactly what to do. "Was my class too boring for you?"

God the man was insufferable. Charlie hated his guts. He was no where near understanding or polite to his kids and there was nothing more that Crutchie wanted to do than to let his big brother into the room. Jack surely would set the guy straight. He had a way with people. But today, Crutchie didn't know what to do. So he stood there, silent for a moment, before his own shaky voice filled the room. "I-I'm sorry, sir... uhm..." the kid swallowed hard before continuing. "I-I have ta find my brotha'... he's-"

Without so much as a second thought, the man shook his head. "He's fine, Charles. Have a seat before your brother's stupidity drags you under too."

Blood boiling and innocence coming into question, Crutchie stood his ground. It was no secret what his family had gone through in the past few years. So the boy shook his head, holding back his angry screams before he simply turned and left. His brother needed him. And he'd be damned if he let a grade A asshole tell him he couldn't go to him.

No one called his brother stupid.

Race's hands were shaking. He knew that much. He swallowed the lump in his throat. It hurt, but he did it anyways. He would not let the tears fall. He wasn't weak. He wasn't. He was just overwhelmed and-

What was the use? He was pathetic and everyone knew it. Apparently even Jack knew. His brother wasn't answering his calls. Jack always told him that he was sick. That he had a reason for these things to be happening. He had anxiety. Bad anxiety. And other things that Race would much rather forget about. But even Jack had to get tired of him right?

No. That didn't happen. Jack loved him. He did. Jack always answered his calls. Always. Why was Jack not answering?

Race was scared. The bruises, the excuses, the _lies_ , the car and now the missed calls. Jack had to be in some kind of trouble. It was the only explanation. The only thing that made sense to Race at that moment. And he was gonna figure out what it was, so help him.

"Race?"

It was like the breath he'd been holding was finally set free. "Charlie?" He heard footsteps. It wasn't long before his baby brother was in front of him, setting his crutch on the floor to be able to sit crisscross on the ground with his mess of a brother.

"Are ya breathin' okay?" It was a fair question. Race nodded but did not speak. "That's good..." the boy admitted, earning a small smile from his big brother. "Do ya need anythin'?"

Race loved his little brother more than life. He shook his head before sucking in a breath and pausing for a moment. "Just, uhm..." he began, his voice trembling slightly. "Just don' tell Medda..." he said with a slight smirk that was gone within seconds and replaced with a helpless, hopeless look.

The younger boy smirked. "Sure thing, Racer... on one condition?" When Race looked up at him again, his watery blue eyes slightly wide and completely broken, Crutchie smiled. "Let me whoop your ass at poka' lata'."

If there was one thing that Crutchie lived for, it was to make his big brother laugh. He never got tired of it. And if he got another Saturday school for skipping class- one that Jack would most likely get him out of- who gave a damn. It was worth seeing that genuine smile on Race's face, no matter how small.

Though, just as they thought they were able to say the worst of life was behind them, they had no idea the storm that was rolling in. One that would threaten to tear them apart for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading. Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what you'd change or what you'd improve by leaving me a review! Love ya, friends!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I really do love this story. We're gonna start getting really into the story here and we might find that things are not what they seem. But anyways, I'll stop talking now.
> 
> Enjoy!

"... don't worry 'bout it... tell 'im I'll be there..." the faint sound of the front door clicking shut aroused Race from his dreamless sleep. His entire body ached as he realized he'd fallen asleep on the couch again. It wasn't an uncomfortable couch, but it definitely wasn't one for taking naps. "I'm fine!" The hiss pulled Race fully from his rest and the boy let his blue eyes slide open just slightly so he could see his big brother with his phone up at his ear, clearly frustrated or stressed about _something_.

"Look, I gotta go... I gotta go!" And with that, the man hung up with an irritated shake of his head as he tossed his belongings down on the kitchen table and looked up to see his baby brother drowsily staring at him from the couch. "Hey there, kiddo..." he greeted, automatically trying to mask his frustrations and be the warm, fuzzy big brother who didn't have any problems in life.

It was all bullshit.

Running a hand over his face, Race realized for the first time there was a blanket thrown over him. His heart warmed a little as he thought about how his little brother must've been debating whether or not to wake him up before going to bed. "You're late, Jack..." Race responded, his voice hoarse from sleep and his eyes still refusing to fully open. He turned from his back onto his side as the young man walked up to him, a welcoming smile on his lips. "Kath's already asleep in your bed an' _I_ had ta massage Crutchie's leg after school..." the boy mumbled out.

"I know, pal. 'm sorry I'm late... It's been a busy few weeks..." he admitted with a shrug, kneeling down next to the boy and bringing up a hand to run through the kid's hair. For a moment, Race just closed his eyes, wanting to relish in the safety of his big brother's touch. But Jack wasn't done talking to him yet. "Were you okay? At school this mornin'?" The calls always scared him, not to mention that scare they'd had before being shoved into a hard day at school. He wished more than anything to be able to just knock all the negative crap away from his brothers, but that wasn't reality. Instead, he was stuck at work having to sneak a text to his other brother because he couldn't fix the problem. It was moments like that when Jack truly felt helpless.

The child became quiet for a moment, letting his eyes open once again as he thought back to that morning. "Yeah..." he replied finally, though unconvincingly. "Charlie found me..." he noted, trying to focus on his baby brother's smile rather than the ugly words of some kids who were just trying to get a rise out of him. "Don' think these meds 're workin'..." the boy finished, looking up at his brother as the man carded fingers through his hair.

He wished there was some kind of magic pill that would make it all disappear before he himself did just that; dissolved into nothing more than a ball of anxiety and self loathing. He wished it would stop, but nothing was ever so simple.

A sigh escaped Jack as he leaned down to press a kiss to the child's temple. "Ya ain't given it a proper try yet, bud..." he argued, a small smile on his face as he stood back to his feet and held out his hand. "Ya gotta take 'em..." he urged, waiting for the boy to comply. When all he got in return was a glare of those exhausted blue eyes, Jack shook his head a little bit. "We could do this the easy way or the hard way, kid..." the man threatened, a mischievous grin making its way across his face. When all he got in response was a groan and his little brother pulling his blanket further over his head, he shrugged. "I warned ya..."

Giggles rang out from the boy, squirming on the couch underneath his brother who was now rushing his fingers up and down the blond kid's sides. Race tried to push the man away but Jack came back just as strong and Race squealed as the tickling continued. Out of breath, he was barely able to call out, "Easy way! The easy way!" as Jack laughed and finally let him take in a few gulps of air, a grin now on his face as he locked his eyes on his big brother's noticing for the first time the cut that was somewhat hidden beneath Jack's eyebrow. But his smile never faded. He didn't comment on it.

"Okay then," Jack shrugged, faking his disappointment as he would no longer get to torture the boy. But the feeling wasn't all false. If he could do it again just to hear Race laugh like that, he would, he just knew that now wasn't the time. It was late and they both needed to go to bed. But he straightened up with a smile and held his hand out for Race again, helping him up when the smaller boy took it. "I love you, Racer..." he whispered when the boy stood to his feet. And before the child could protest, he was locked inside a tight embrace that he melted inside.

"Love ya too, Jackie," Race whispered out, letting his arms find their way around his big brother who seemed so off lately. Something was wrong. He was late so often. He had to leave early all the time. And the _bruises_... Race held to his brother tightly and felt the man relax in his hold. "What was that call about?" the child asked, remembering the man's agitated tone as he walked through the door. He hadn't expected to feel his brother tense beneath him. But just as he might've commented on that, wanting so badly to know what his guardian was hiding, the guy holding him cut him off.

"Don' worry 'bout it. It's nothin'..." he assured, pulling away from the concerned boy he loved so much. "C'mon, kid... let's go..." And with that, Jack wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulders and led him to the bathroom, doing his best to ignore the kid's worried glances as they went through their nightly routine.

Only, Race _was_ worried. And he knew he had to get to the bottom of this. _No more hidin', Jackie..._

A loud shriek aroused Katherine from her restful sleep. She jumped at the irritating sound, her eyes barely opening as she let her hand feel around on the table beside her for whatever was making the Godawful noise that had dared to wake her up.

Hearing a groan beside her, Katherine decided it was just about time to open her eyes fully and look over to see her boyfriend trying to bring himself back to reality from a much needed rest. He was on his left side, an arm stretched out over her waist to keep her somewhat close. In her sleepy state she must've flailed out and hit his face. "Make it stop..." he mumbled, refusing to open his eyes and instead, letting his hand search around just as Katherine's hands were. He moved closer to her so he could reach nightstand on her other side.

"It's _your_ phone, dumbass..." she shot back, just as exhausted, finally able to place the atrocious shriek. She was barely able to register it as her man cursed under his breath just as she grasped onto the ringing, vibrating mess on the table next to her. She didn't have time to react before Jack sat up quick, straddling her hips and pinning her beneath him as he practically wrenched the phone from her hand and brought it up to his ear.

"Hello?" he answered, smirking a little at Katherine as she narrowed her eyes at him. But as he listened to whoever was on the other end of the call, he dropped eye contact with the girl beneath him who simply lay there, watching his as she couldn't hear whoever was talking to him. His face became serious after a moment and he sighed. "Right now?" Irritation was seen throughout his whole body as he grumbled a little bit. "Okay, okay! Fine. I'm on my way..." he caved with a sigh, hanging up his phone and glaring at it for a moment before tossing it aside to his side of the bed.

With a raise of her eyebrow, Katherine looked her man up and down skeptically. "Girlfriend?" she teased. He could only roll his eyes and laugh sarcastically as he took in the sight of the beauty beneath him. A grin took her over as he leaned down to softly press his lips to her cheek.

"It was just my boss..." he mumbled onto her skin, his heart fluttering as she shivered when his breath ghosted her skin. Then he moved so his face hovered just over hers, his hands finding her's and lacing their fingers together above her head. "Some who ain't nearly..." He pressed a kiss to the base of her neck. "As sexy..." Another to her chin. "As you..." Finally he captured her lips in his and practically melted when she kissed him back, letting his hands slip out of her grasp and tangle themselves in her hair instead.

A giggle escaped Katherine as Jack let up a little bit from the gentle kiss. Without warning, she flipped their positions, causing him to gasp before he began laughing just as she was. They wished they could stay there; a blissful, cozy morning with no more distractions. But as she went it to kiss him again, he let out a frustrated groan. "I gotta get the boys up... they wan' me in early..." he mumbled out, a certain whine making its way into his voice as he thought about having to actually get out of bed.

"For what?" Katherine groaned as she rolled her eyes, sitting up but still straddling his hips so when he sat up she was still in his lap. "You and I have barely seen each other in the past two weeks..." she complained, knowing it wasn't all his fault, but still finding it immensely frustrating. She ran her hands up and down his bare chest as he sighed.

With one hand propping him up and the other reaching to grasp at one of his girl's, he smiled. "It'll be over soon... I'm almost done with all these stupid, last minute sales calls, I promise..." He lifted up her hand to his lips and gently pressed a kiss to her palm, his green eyes lingering on her chocolate ones as he did so. "But right now, I gotta go." And with that, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her back onto the bed, off of him, with a laugh and she squealed at the sudden change of mood in the room. But he didn't say a word before he was out of bed, grabbing a shirt, barely slipping it on as he rushed out into the hallway.

"Racer! Charlie!" he called, knocking on both their doors and hearing groans in response to his yells. "Up n' at 'em boys! Ya gotta walk taday!"

Shouts of disapproval followed Jack into the kitchen as he went into the fridge, taking two water bottle out and setting them down on the table, along with grabbing the bagged lunches that were already ready to go. He then ran back through the hallway, buttoning up his blue shirt as he went, rushing back into his room and finding Katherine sitting on his bed, scrolling through her phone with a concentrated look on her beautiful features. He didn't have time to ask her about it before he was changing his pajama bottoms for slacks and grabbing his backpack from the closet. "I gotta go, baby," he called, walking quickly to the door.

Out of no where, Katherine seemed to spring up and rush over to the open door too, blocking his exit. Before he could complain that he was already going to be considered late, his girlfriend flashed him a smile before her hands were fixing his hair, brushing it back out of his face and straightening the collar of his shirt. "Thank you," he said lightly, giving her a quick peck on the lips before she allowed him through the door. But as he walked past, a thought occurred to her.

"Did you eat anything, babe?"

With a shake of his head, Jack turned around, continuing to walk backwards down through the hallway, his steps quick and light, making Katherine's eyebrows furrow. "I'll be fine, darlin'!" he promised, giving her a quick wink before turning around and seeing Crutchie's door be pushed open a bit as his baby brother peaked out. "I love you!" he called, bringing the still drowsy boy into his side so he could press a quick kiss to his head. Then he rushed to the next door in the hall and knocked again. "Love ya, Racer! Get up please!" And then he turned around and locked in on his girl again. "Love you, Ace! See ya later?"

A grin spread out on Jack's lips as the woman nodded in confirmation. And then, without another word, he grabbed his keys off of the shelf by the door and slipped out, still in a haste to get where he was going.

Wherever that was.

As soon as the front door shut, Race's door creaked open and a very sleepy Racetrack made his presence known with a yawn as he glanced over to where his brother had just stood. "What was that about?" he asked the two others. He looked back only for Charlie to give him a shrug, but when his blue eyes landed on Katherine, something in her eyes made him freeze. It was some kind of suspicion on her face, some kind of guess that she had as to why Jack was acting so weird. But when she turned and saw him staring her down, her face went neutral almost immediately, like she didn't know a thing.

"So..." she tried, immediately trying to dodge any question that might've been on the teenager's tongue. "Breakfast?"

That was it. It was all she said before marching into the kitchen, still clad up in one of Jack's old t-shirts and pajama pants, quickly beginning to start up some eggs and bacon. Race thought about pressing, about demanding to know. After all his big brother had done for him and all he'd been put through, the boy just wanted to know his big brother was safe and not in some kind of trouble. On the other hand, Jack was hiding something... from _him_. They didn't do that. They had very specific reason why they had to tell each other things. That was it. Race was going to find out what was happening. And he was going to do it soon.

"Race, I swear if you skip again, I will soak ya," Crutchie threatened as he glared up at his big brother who was staring down at his phone at a dead stop right outside the entrance to their school, clearly having no intention of walking in at that moment. But he got no reply from the boy who had carried him half way to destination that day.

The boy with the crutch sighed as he glanced around, watching people pass them by and enter the dreaded high school, not even giving them so much as a glance. And he shook his head, limping over to his brother's side rather than standing in front of him and having no clue what the older boy was doing. When he finally did get a look at the screen, his eyes widened. "Are you _tracking_ Jack's phone?!" he asked, appalled and confused at the realization. When his brother finally acknowledged his presence again, the older boy was quick to shove him away and hug his phone tightly to his chest, trying to hide the evidence as best he could. "What the hell, Race?"

"Sh!" The hiss was just a reflex. His eyes were wide as he looked around for anyone who might be listening but when his eyes fell back down to younger green ones that he adored so much, he saw the look on his baby brother's face. And Race just shook his head. "Look, this ain't exactly 'legal'," Race admitted at the skeptical wide eyes of the boy beside him. "But I gotta know..."

"Gotta know _what_ , Racer? That our brother is at work tryin' ta make money so's he c'n support us?" Crutchie asked, his eyebrows raised as he tried to get his brother to just drop it.

With a small growl, Race shook his head. Crutchie didn't understand. That's fine. Race was forced to accept months ago that he might actually be crazy and so why should he expect anyone to see what he does? "'m just worried about him, Crutch..." he admitted, his voice small and careful as he looked down at his phone again at the small dot that was moving across it very slowly. "He's been... _weird_ lately..."

For a moment, the two boys stood in a silence as one of them was glued to his cell phone and the other was glued to his big brother. But Charlie shook his head and sighed after some time passed. "I'm worried about _you_ , Racer..." He lifted his hand up to place it on the older boy's shoulder when he saw Race glance at him but refuse to actually _look_ at him. "I ain't stupid, Tony... I can see the new cuts on your arm..." he tried gently. But all it got him was Race shrugging out from underneath his hand and blinking back the embarrassed tears that welled up in his eyes. It was then that Crutchie knew he wasn't getting anywhere. "Fine. Go on then, follow Jack and find him goin' ta work, but don't think I ain't throwin' away every sharp thing you own when we get home _and_ tellin' Medda ya didn't stick ta your side a' the deal."

Disappointment was clear in Charlie's voice as he turned to walk away. Race looked up at him when his back was turned, subconsciously grabbing at the edges of his sleeves and pulling them further over his arms. He didn't blame the kid for being disappointed, or worried for that matter. "I wouldn't do it again," he called, barely loud enough for his little brother to hear. The kid stopped walking immediately when he'd heard it. "I-I know... I know I have my problems n' I know I don't help my case but... I wouldn't neva' try that again..." he promised, his voice shaking a little bit as he remembered. He prayed to God that some day he wouldn't remember.

"I know, Racer," Charlie sighed, turning around to face his brother once again and holding back tears himself. "That don't mean it ain't still scary..." It was. It terrified Crutchie every goddamn day to think back to that moment when he had felt so helpless and so lost and so _angry_. He was _so angry_. But he let the anger melt away some so he could walk back to his best friend. "Look... if you're gonna go chase afta' Jack for a reason I don't understand... fine..." No one understood why it was so hard to keep from caving with this boy, but it couldn't be helped. "Just... let me know you're okay when ya make your stupid discoveries an' let me know when ya get back ta the apartment?"

The response was immediate. Race launched himself at the boy and held him tightly to his chest. "I love you, kid..." he mumbled before pulling away and rushing off down the street.

A smile like butter spread over Charlie's face. "Love ya too, pal..."

Running was something Race had been doing since he was just a little kid. Jack had always told him he needed to slow down every once in a while. Race hated it; slowing down that is. Quick was what Race did best, at least... what he had done best. Before they'd lost his father... before everything went so far downhill that Race lost sight of the sky. Now he was forced to slow down with heavy drugs that had one purpose; to keep him from hurting himself.

They hadn't completely worked. Not that it mattered. He'd be hurt either way, whether it was at his own hands or at someone else's. But that wasn't supposed to happen to his brothers. His brothers were supposed to be the better, safer ones. They weren't supposed to be hurt and Race couldn't stand seeing the bruises on his big brother's skin.

Following the small dot on the screen, Race found it too easy to follow. He knew he shouldn't be doing it. He knew his big brother had always put out boundaries. They all held privacy to a very high standard and Race had been the only one to even slightly lose that privilege. But... this was different, wasn't it?

The streets of Manhattan were busy. People were bustling about their business, rushing to work and shoving past anyone who got in their way. But the boy knew how to dodge it. He slipped through alleyways and through the shortcuts of the city until he stumbled upon a familiar truck. "Gotcha..." Race muttered. Only, it was odd. The car was simply parked on the side of the street, not near any building of any kind of importance, and sitting inside the truck was the man that Race had clung to for so long.

Jack looked stressed from what Race could see. He was talking into his phone that was held in his hand as he looked around, as if to see if anyone was watching him. The boy stood somewhat behind a wall, trying to conceal himself as he watched the man through the crowd that would not notice him if he started screaming. Jack was no longer dressed in his formal work clothes. Instead, an old grey sweatshirt that Race was sure he'd never seen was wrapped around him and a baseball cap was backwards on his head, something Jack only did on occasion when he was reverting back to his teenage self with a video game and some cans of soda and few bags full of chips.

Thinking about made Race smile a little bit. His brother had had to grow up so fast that those days were few and far in between and Race relished in the days when Jack could just be his idiot big brother instead of having to take on every responsible role that him and Charlie needed.

When his big brother got out of the car, still looking to be cryptically speaking to whoever was on the other side of the call as he slipped into the crowd and tried to blend in as best he could, Race began to follow him, laying careful attention to the man who seemed to be paranoid that he was being watched. It was almost ridiculous how many times Race almost lost Jack in the crowd, but somehow he managed to keep sight of the man. His heart stopped once as Jack decided to stop and turn around skeptically. The boy ducked into an alley for a moment, breathing hard, suddenly terrified of being found out by the man he should've trusted with everything in him. But after a good minute, he felt he was in the clear and he stepped out into the open once again, only to find that the man was gone and he was left a bit frustrated as he reached for his phone. But just before he could pull it out of his pocket.

"Keep walkin' an' no one has ta get hurt..." a voice demanded lowly and dangerously. Suddenly, there was a small, circular end of a weapon pressed into the boy's back. Race's breath hitched in his chest as his face paled. He did exactly as he was told.

An arm wrapped around his shoulders and the nose of the pistol move to his side as a man who was most definitely not Jack began walking beside him as if they'd been walking like that the whole time. "Wh-who are you? I'll give you my wallet right now, just let me go..." the kid whispered, not daring to take more than a glance at the stranger beside him.

"I's just someone who caught you tryin' ta stick your nose in places it don't belong..." the man responded, a malice to his voice. "Just do as your told an' maybe the boss man will let ya off easy..."

"I swear, I don' know what you're talkin' about... please, I ain't tryin' ta cause trouble!" he pleaded, continuing to let the mystery man lead him forward, in a part of New York that was beginning to look extremely unfamiliar to the boy. A few more blocks and Race was face to face with a giant warehouse. And the boy had such a bad feeling rolling around in his stomach.

"Shut up or I'll deal with you right now!" The threat was enough to get Race to give in, being shoved foreword as they were now out of the sight of the majority of the public. Not that a single person would risk their own safety to save him anyways. But suddenly, all Race wanted was to be able to run into Jack's arms and hide there forever. He was sure this was the end for him. He had no idea what he'd even stumbled onto.

He was lead inside the giant building, and a hood was thrown over his head. He didn't fight against it. He could hear people laughing around him as they seized his arms and held them behind him. The boy gasped in surprise but still did not struggle against the grip. It wasn't long before cuffs were tightened around his wrists. He was glad they couldn't see the tears beginning to run down his face. "I'm so sorry, Charlie..." he whispered, knowing no one would hear him.

It felt like he was being led through a maze, blind. He tripped over plenty of stairs and was shoved around plenty of corners that he wouldn't remember later. He was sure they were just trying to make him confused so he couldn't run to the entrance if he tried. Suddenly it was terrifying how many people Race was sure surrounded him.

"This kid seems fun..."

"Maybe we should keep him..."

"How about we just don' tell the boss?"

Shivers ran up and down Race's spine as he was shoved down his to his knees finally. "Please! Please! I don't know nothin'! I swear!" he sobbed, finally gaining up the courage to try and slip his wrists out of the tight metal that kept them together.

"Shut it, kid!" someone hissed. Race jumped at the harsh tone and let his body tremble as hands began grabbing at his shoulders to keep him still. He knew what was coming. And it was gonna hurt like hell.

Screams rang out in the room as the beating began. Race had tried to hold them back but he couldn't. Hits to his torso were mostly what was causing so much pain. Though he wasn't conscious of it then, they'd managed to stay away from his face for the most part. He was shoved down to the ground as they kicked at him twisted his arms further around on his back. The cuffs cut into his skin as he struggled for release. He cried out and begged them to let him go because _he didn't know anything_ , but they didn't let up. Not until a door swung open, crashing against the wall with a harsh _bang_ that made the boy cry out in itself.

Other than the sound of menacing footsteps, silence clouded the room. Race held his breath painfully as chills ran up his spine. Suddenly the world seemed a lot colder and Race couldn't do a thing about it.

"Boss... we found him sneakin' around outside... figured he could be a snitch..." one of the men spoke up, hesitantly. Race didn't dare speak. All he could do was listen intently, carefully letting the air out of his lungs, terrified of making one wrong noise or one wrong move.

More silence passed. The quiet was more daunting than anything the child in the room had ever experienced in his short life that must've been just about over. "Does he have a badge?" The new voice was dark. It was deep and dark and cruel and Race felt his legs begin shaking uncontrollably as he was stuck on his side.

"N-no Mr. Snyder, sir... but we's think the feds might be usin' a new way ta get information outta us..."

 _Snyder..._ God, where had Race heard that name before? Why did it make his heart skip a beat in pure fear?

"Well I guess we'll have to find out then..." the boss... _Snyder_ decided. Race could hear more footsteps as he was roughly grabbed onto and shoved back to his knees. He tried to struggle around only for the big boss man to stand beside him, making him cower a bit at the obviously dangerous person standing mere centimeters away. " _Sullivan_!" he called, making the boy flinch and gasp in response. More chuckles met his ears as he pleaded with God to get him out of this. "Time for a little interrogation..."

Oh that sounded anything but good. And another pair of footsteps was heard as Race let himself slouch and cower in pure terror at what would come next. "I ain't nobody! Please! I don't know nothin'!" That was all he could manage before the hood was ripped off of his head, his hair being pulled in the process. He didn't have time to cry out as he had to let his eyes adjust to the sudden light they were allowed.

When he blinked his vision clear he realized he was staring at the ground... at very familiar looking shoes. Daring to let his eyes wander up a bit, Race's heart began pounding harder and harder as he wished beyond everything he could go back to this morning when everything was fine. When he wasn't looking at the man in front of him. Standing above him with large arms crossed over his broad chest and a very angry and very disappointed scowl taking over his face was a man Race knew.

" _Jack_..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp... there's that...
> 
> I really hope you guys liked this chapter! Don't worry, the chapters will get a bit easier to write as I get going. This one was a little rough for some reason so I do apologize for that.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what you'd change or what you'd improve by leaving me a review! Till next time, kiddos! Love ya!


	4. Chapter 4

Race couldn't think straight. Damn it, Race couldn't breathe. All he could do was stare up with wide eyes at the man towering over him. He struggled for a moment, trying to stand, but the hands on him forced him to stay down on his knees.

"Well, boss, he certainly doesn't seem like any kinda spy," the man commented. Race tried to back away when the man who must've been his big brother's evil twin squatted down in front of him. The guy smelled like smoke. That wasn't right. Jack would never smoke and there were good reasons for that.

"Well, Sully, it's your job to find out..." Snyder stated. Race was breathing hard. His eyes whipped over to Snyder who was calmly cleaning a small pistol and occasionally glancing up at the young boy with a sick kind of fascination.

 _Sully..._ Race's eyes slowly made their way back over to the man in front of him. Jack was smirking at him. Never in his entire life had Race ever seen Jack looking at him like he was now. Like he was a complete stranger. It was almost painful. As much as he wanted to say something, as much as he wanted to scream and beg for these strangers to let him go, he stayed silent out of complete terror. After all, Jack had told him once that if he was in a bad situation, his mouth would only get him in more trouble.

"What's ya name, kid?" The boy took in a shaky breath. Surely he shouldn't use his real name, right?

This was insane. It had to be some kind of nightmare. This was Jack. Race _knew_ this was Jack, despite the way the man was glaring at him and speaking to him with a tone that was threatening only coated with a false sweetness.

"He asked you a question boy!" the boss barked, causing Race to flinch and struggle even harder for a proper breath. He was going to pass out. His anxiety was practically eating him alive.

With a smirk, Race watched Jack turn to Snyder slowly. "I got this, Mr. Snyder," he assured carefully. "A name, kid. _Now_."

A name... Race didn't know what to say. He glanced around the room for a moment. So many men surrounded him, all looking rough and so much stronger than him. The kid didn't want another beating, despite the last one being relatively short, he didn't think he could handle it. "T-Tyler... Esposito..."

For a split second, Race could see something flash across Jack's face. Something he could barely register as hurt, before the man was back to playing his intimidating character. Jack knew damn well what that name meant. Esposito: abandoned, _alone._ And just as he was about to speak, Snyder stood up instead. "Wow, Sullivan. Has it really been this long since you've needed to do an interrogation? You're normally a lot faster at making it clear when you know someone's lying." That was when the old man pointed the gun towards Race and fired. The child screamed, trying to scramble away from the bullet that lodged itself in the ground right next to his thigh. The men behind him held him still, though he trembled beneath their grasp.

No one else in the room had so much as flinched. Race's piercing blue eyes rushed up to find Jack, still smirking at him before the man shook his head. "Relax, boss," he laughed, raising up his hand and holding up a small card between his fingers. The boy's ID. "Anthony Higgins, seventeen. Just a high school kid with too much curiosity f'r his own good."

For a moment, Race forgot his wrists were locked behind him and he made a move to snatch the thing out of the man's hand. Jack just pulled it away, placing it back in what Race recognized as his own wallet. He hadn't even known it was out of his pocket. "Give it back!" he demanded, hearing the fear in his own voice as his brother's imposter shoved the thing into his own pocket.

"Here's the thing, kid... you ain't the one that gives orders 'round here. Right now, that's my job," Jack's lookalike stated, still squatting down in front of him, not looking like he was gonna lose his balance anytime soon. The young man folded his hands together and locked in on Race's eyes. "So you're gonna answer some questions f'r me, you're _gonna_ tell the truth n' maybe we'll let'cha go. Got it?" Somewhere in that sentence, the false politeness disappeared and suddenly, Race felt the fear shoot up through his heart as he swallowed hard and forced himself to nod. "Good. Now why the hell 're ya here?"

Apparently, Race's moment of hesitation was too long. Jack raised up a hand to backhand him and the boy squeezed his eyes shut tight. "I was lookin' f'r my brother!" he cried desperately, praying that his frightened tears wouldn't fall. He turned his head away as much as he could, waiting for the impact that didn't come.

"Jack, I assume?" the man asked. This couldn't be Jack. Snyder has called him _Sullivan_... why was that name familiar too? Why did he know that name?

"Yes..." Race breathed. Sullivan nodded, bringing his hand down. The boy only cracked his eye open for a moment to make sure he wasn't about to be smacked before he cautiously turned back the young man.

With a scowl and a very threatening and dangerous look in those green eyes that Race used to find so much comfort in, Sullivan nodded. "Did ya find him?"

The hard look that Race gave this mysterious man in front of him couldn't be helped. Through clenched teeth, the boy was able to force out a harsh, "No." It wasn't a lie. Not technically. Because whoever this man was in front of him- Jack Kelly, Sullivan- it was not his big brother. He scowled at the man, blinking away his tears and struggling to get out of the grip. "Let me go!" he cried desperately. It was hard to mask his terror, but that didn't stop him from trying. "You can't keep me here!"

As he wiggled around, he broke eye contact with Sullivan, losing track of everyone around him and struggling hard against the men. He gasped when a hand tightened in his hair, just above the back of his neck, yanking his head back and forcing him to face his interrogator again before the barrel of a gun was shoved into his temple. "If you know what's good for you, you'll shut your mouth and listen up," the boss growled in his ear. Race snapped his mouth shut tight and swallowed his terrified sobs immediately. "The only thing that's stopping me from killing you right now is the fact that you're still just a kid. So I'd think real hard before you speak again."

So Race did. He felt a tear run down his cheek but the scowl on his face didn't leave. He could see Sullivan's eyes widen for just a moment before his smirk was back and he shook his head, almost disappointed at Race. "Can ya tell me where ya are? Street? Address?"

"All I know is we're somewhere near Brooklyn... I dunno where," the boy bit out. Jack- Sullivan nodded, taking the answer as the truth. The gun was still pressed hard into the side of the boy's head. He clenched his jaw and tried to ignore it. It wasn't working.

"Tell me somethin', Anthony... you's got loved ones, obviously. At least one brotha'..." the man mused. "Judging by the picture in your wallet, there's anotha' one. A little younga' maybe..." Race knew where this was headed. He clenched his teeth even harder to try to keep himself quiet. "We wouldn't want nothin' ta happen ta them, right?"

"Shut up," the boy seethed, the only thing keeping him from lashing out being the gun still pointed at his head.

"You say anythin' about this ta anyone n' I can't guarantee they're safety, ya understand?"

"Leave them alone!" Race cried, more scared than he'd ever been in his entire life. This couldn't be Jack. Jack wouldn't threaten Charlie. Jack wouldn't do this.

"Keep your mouth shut n' we won't have to," Sullivan finished, standing up so smoothly. Race watched him nod to whoever was still behind him, holding him in place and before the kid could protest the hood was back over his head and he couldn't help but scream as he was once again being shoved up and through the building blindly.

He was shoved into a car. He almost tripped and he would have if it wasn't for a thug holding onto the collar of his shirt. The car took off down the road to quickly. Race could still feel some kind of gun pressed into his side. This was it. He was going to die. He promised Crutchie he would go home today. He promised Crutchie that he wasn't gonna lose him. "Please... I won't say nothin', I promise..."

He begged and pleaded and held back his tears. No one said a word to him. Not until whoever was driving slammed on the breaks and a door was shoved open before Race's arm was grabbed onto and someone was unlocking his cuffs. He was ripped from the vehicle without warning and he yelped in surprise before the hood was ripped from his head and he was spun around so he was blocked from view by... Jack?

"Stai bene?" the man whispered out quickly, concern in his now familiar eyes.

"Che diavolo sta succedendo?" Race asked back. Tears beginning to fall down his cheeks as he tried to understand.

Jack just shook his head and glared at him. "Correre. Casa. Adesso." That was it before Race was shoved away. Things looked more and more familiar as he ran. He didn't stop running until he was locked inside his own bedroom, curling up in the corner and coaching himself to breathe.

Everything he'd ever known was a lie.

_"Jack...?"_

_"Yeah, kiddo...?"_

_Jack was exhausted. Race could tell without even twisting around on his big brother's lap that the older boy's eyes were closed. But he buried himself deeper in the nineteen year old's embrace and huddled tighter in the blanket that was thrown over the both of them, a sudden chill running up the kid's spine._

_"What if... what if me n' Crutchie have ta go back ta ma?" The child hadn't wanted to think about it. Truly, he wished that he could just go to sleep in his brother's lap and just know that he'd be safe there. But he couldn't do it._

_The question seemed to wake Jack up immediately. Race felt the young man shift a little, clearly trying to figure out what to do or what to say. It wasn't long before Race found himself being cradled rather than just held. "Don't say that, baby..."_

_Race wished he could stop thinking it. He wished he could be content to live in Jack's apartment with both of his brothers and know that they wouldn't be separated. But they didn't know that it would work. They didn't know if their mom had something else up her sleeve. "She said she hated ya, Jack..." the boy began, leaning his ear against Jack's chest. "Does she hate me n' Charlie too?"_

_For a moment, Jack was quiet. Race didn't look up to see the heartbroken expression on the older boy's face. He thought maybe Jack was hurt that their own mother would say something like that about her sons. But just when Race thought his brother wasn't going to answer him, a quick kiss was pressed to his nose before he was squeezed tightly to Jack's chest. "We don't need her, kid... she don't deserve ta watch ya grow up, or hold you like this... we don't need her..." the young man assured as Race's arms found their way around his neck. "I love you... your pa loves you, n' all of us..." Race felt his heart clench at that, but he only buried his face in Jack's shoulder. "As long as I'm here, Racer, ya don't have ta see her ever again, okay?"_

_"Okay..." the child replied quietly, letting his brother rock him to sleep, letting all of the worries in the world melt away in his protector's arms._

_"I love you, Jack..."_

_"N' I love you, baby brother..."_

_And for a moment, everything was okay._

It wasn't anymore. That moment was gone. Nothing was okay.

"Race...?"

Race flinched. His face was soaked. "What?" he asked, wincing when he heard his own voice, clearly hiding his sobs and fear.

"Miss Medda wants us ova' now. You're gonna miss dinner..." Crutchie sounded so hesitant. Race had heard him come home, worried sick. One peak inside his brother's door and he figured he should let him be alone for a bit. A bit turned into four hours and Race hadn't moved from his spot.

"'M not hungry..." the boy mumbled.

"C'mon, Tony... you promised me you's wouldn't do this no more. Kathy and Medda are next door waitin'!" The kid sounded so panicked.

"I'm fine, Crutchie! I j'st..." Race couldn't breathe. He kept seeing his big brother ready to strike him when he was only trying to protect himself. He saw familiar green eyes looking so distant and clueless as to who he was. "I-"

Before Race could even force out anything Crutchie was peaking inside, finding his big brother still curled up in the corner, gripping at his curls and breathing shallow. "Race... c'mon... what happened t'day that made ya so upset? Did'ja find Jack?"

The world was closing in. He was dizzy. Nothing made sense. "Just... I ain't hungry, Charlie... I swear I won't do nothin' stupid... just go next door n' eat. _Please_..." He couldn't think straight. Crutchie couldn't be there. If he stayed, Race would open his big mouth and Charlie would be in trouble and Race couldn't _do that_.

With a sigh, Crutchie shook his head. "Fine... j'st... come get me if ya need me, okay?" And without waiting for a response, Crutchie left, figuring he couldn't push Race into talking. The older boy was fragile and that could set him off. He just hoped he wasn't making a huge mistake.

Jack was running. He loosened the tie that was around his neck and rushed up the stairs of his building. He hated suits; always had, always would. They always made him feel suffocated and running in them was pure hell. And the backpack that was slung over his shoulder was slowing him down.

The elevator was going to take too long. _Stairs! Take the damn stairs, you idiot!_

He could already be too late.

He ran up four flights of stairs. He was barely winded by the end of it, only breathing hard because of the panic swirling around in his head.

Rushing up to his own door, Jack fumbled in his pocket for his keys. But when he unlocked the door, he tried to open it only for it to get stuck. Something was blocking it. So he knocked on the door with purpose and tried to shove the thing open. "Racer! Open the door!" he demanded, his fear and worry inadvertently swirling into frustration.

"No! Go away!" came the reply of a little boy who was so obviously shaken.

"Goddamn it, Anthony Michael Higgins Junior! Open the door n' let me explain!"

"Leave me alone!"

Jack growled. "I swear to God, Racer... I need ta talk to ya. J'st open the door!" After all of these years... after all of his fighting and all his struggling... he couldn't lose this boy.

After trying to throw the door open by throwing his body weight against it, Jack shook his head and moved over to the next door on his left. It was opened almost immediately. "Jack, baby, what's wrong?"

"Racer's havin' a breakdown..." Jack forced out, shaking his head in frustration. "I'm sorry, Miss Medda, c'n I use your window?"

Medda nodded immediately, stepping aside and gesturing for Jack to step in. The young man did. Rushing through, he caught sight of Katherine in the kitchen, cleaning off some dishes. "Hey, baby..." he muttered before sliding up next to her and giving her a quick peck on the lips. She smiled at him, not even saying a word. "I'm sorry 'bout rushin' out!" he called as he was walking away again, stopping only to press a kiss to Crutchie's forehead. The boy was dozing on the couch, his leg propped up on a few pillows. "Hey, Crutch..."

"Is Race okay?" he asked drowsily. Jack only smiled a little at that.

"He's gonna be fine, kiddo... I'm just gonna take him for a drive, see if it calms him down..." Jack soothed, beginning to walk over to the window at the back wall, sliding it open.

"Hey, Jackie? Did Race follow you ta work t'day? He said he w's gonna an' he wouldn't talk ta me afta' school..." Jack froze. This was so damn hard.

"No... I didn't see 'im..." And before anyone else could ask him anything else, he was slipping out the window.

Race curled in on himself on the couch. He had a backpack next to him, filled up with clothes and all the money he could scrounge up from his room, after all some psychopath had his wallet. He was debating with himself. He should get Crutchie. Maybe they could leave together. But Crutchie wouldn't believe him. Crutchie would try to stop him. But Jack wouldn't ever hurt Crutchie...

Then again, Race _thought_ Jack would never hurt him.

Lost in thought, the boy hadn't heard footsteps coming towards him from the hallway. Not until he looked over and saw the man that he feared so much walking over to him. Race shot up, backing away as quick as Jack was advancing on him, but when Jack realized it, he slowed to a stop, carefully raising up his hands as a sign of peace. "Hey, hey, hey, kiddo... relax, okay? I know you're scared-"

"Stop!" Race demanded, grabbing the back pack off of the couch, and slinging it over his shoulder. "J'st... _stop_." He was staring at the man at the end of the hallway. This was the man that had always fought so hard to protect him. But Race had scene him today doing _awful_ things. It was like he didn't even know him at all. "You're gonna try ta get in my head, just like _her_... so just don't, okay?"

Reluctantly, Jack shut his mouth, clenching his jaw and trying to just beg his baby brother to hear him out without even saying the words. But Race just lost it all over again, tears running down his face and shaky breaths entering his lungs. "William Snyder? Really? That's who you work for?" the boy asked, both disappointment and fear radiating off of him. "He's the most dangerous man in New York, Jack! He's _killed_ people!"

"Racer, you have to calm down-" Jack tried, taking a step forward only for the boy to counter it.

"And Francis Sullivan... your dad's name... Jack... this ain't you!" Race cried backing up even more, reaching for the door.

"No, it ain't, baby brother, but ya gotta let me explain!" Jack begged, beginning to get desperate. He couldn't let Race walk away. Not that easy. There had to be something he could do to make it stop. "Anthony, you don't know what's gonna happen if you don't sit'cha ass down an' let me talk ta ya." He didn't. His brother would be in a world of hurt if he didn't just listen to what Jack had to say.

With a shake of his head, Race just began walking towards the door with purpose, trying not to show how petrified he was of the man he'd once run to for everything. "I don't wanna hear it, Jack, or Sully, or whateva' the _hell_ your name is! I'm gonna go get Charlie n'... n' we'll go find ma..."

Jack hated what he knew he had to do next. He hated it with everything inside of him. "You ain't eva' goin' near that manipulative bitch again!" he stated, his eyes widening at the very thought. He reached into his pocket, a cloth gathering in his hand as he slowly advanced on the boy at the door.

"Ya know what, Jack, she ain't the best motha', but she neva' pretended that she was a good one." Those words hurt. Jack had to take a sharp breath to steady himself when those piercing blue eyes turned back to glare at him as Race was hesitating by the door after moving the chair that had been blocking it. This was his chance.

"Racer... I'm serious, pal... back away from the door or you're gonna regret it." He wished things were different. Truly, he did. But they weren't. This was his life and whether his brothers knew it or not, this was their life too. But Race wasn't listening. He put his hand on the doorknob, ready to leave. "Tony... I don't wanna have ta do this..."

"Just leave me alone, Jack..." Race breathed out, not exactly ready to leave behind the life that he'd been working so hard to be comfortable in. Maybe if he'd succeeded all that time ago, life would be better for them. Maybe if they'd just let him go, they wouldn't have this problem, and Crutchie could live his whole life thinking he had the perfect big brother who would always protect him and care about him. Maybe if Race was gone right now, things would be different.

Finally taking a breath and knowing leaving was his only option, not trusting his big brother in the slightest anymore, Race turned the handle and opened the door, only for it to be slammed back shut by a stronger hand right next to the boy's shoulder. "I can't let ya do this," Jack said, suddenly looking even more dangerous in Race's eyes. Race did the only thing he could think of.

He ran.

He dodged Jack's arms and made a beeline for the nearest fire escape, his big brother right behind him the whole way. "Stop it, Anthony! I don't wanna hurt you!"

"Then don't!" the boy cried, trying to pull open a window in the kitchen, only to feel that Jack was about to make his move. Jack's arms wrapped around him from behind, pinning the boy to his chest and before Race could think how to fight him off, the man was dragging his arms behind him, trying to pin them between their bodies. "Let me go!" Race sobbed out, struggling against his big brother. "Help! Please! Somebody help!"

"Shhh!" Jack hissed, finally able to hold the boy's arms behind him with one of his arms after he shoved the backpack to the ground, before bringing out the cloth and smothering it over the teenager's mouth and nose. Race started screaming harder as Jack dragged him back, away from the windows and into the middle of the apartment again. His brother was still putting up a hell of a fight and Jack couldn't help but try to hold back tears. "Don't fight it, kid... please don't fight it..." he murmured into his boy's ear, leaning his forehead up against the side of his baby brother's head, trying to soothe him even as he was trying to knock him out. "Just breathe it in, Racer... I promise it'll be okay..." He had Race's head back against his shoulder as the boy still tried to fight him off.

It was a long while before Race obeyed, only because he couldn't fight it any longer. The child moaned as his legs gave out on him. He blinked wildly, desperate to keep his eyes open, only for them to roll back into his head as he lost consciousness. Jack sighed in relief and let the weight of the boy pull them both to the ground. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Jack kept muttering, pulling the boy into his lap and removing the cloth from his face, pocketing it and letting himself breath for a moment as he relentlessly apologized to the boy who couldn't hear him.

The boy was now a dead weight on his lap in the middle of the living room. Jack breathed hard, cradling his brother to him and slowly smoothing the hair away from his face as he held tightly to the kid, finally giving into the fear that was only growing inside him. As he pressed a loving kiss to his brother's forehead, his eyes drifted to a picture sitting on the table right next to the couch.

They all looked so happy. Him, his boys who were so much younger, and the man that had his arms around them. His brown hair ended in loose curls that fell just above his eyes; his bright blue eyes stood out above all else. Jack shook his head and let the tears begin falling as he couldn't take his eyes off of the stupid photo. "I'm so sorry..." he muttered, burying his face in his baby brother hair.

For a moment, Jack just rocked his brother back and forth in his arms. He was still here. This could all be okay.

The vibrating of the man's cell phone made him jump a little. He sniffled and swallowed, clearing his throat before he answered the thing. "Kelly," he said as he slid the call open. "Yeah, I got him... I had ta use the chloroform..." he admitted, looking back down at the boy's peaceful face. The kid hadn't looked so sound since... ever. "Look, I don't need a lecture right now..." his voice shook at that as he lay Race down even lower and ran a hand through the kid's hair. "I's gonna bring him in... I'll be there soon." And with that he hung up the phone.

As gently as he could, Jack scooped Race up in his arms and lay him out on the couch, rushing to go change into sweats and a t-shirt before going back into the main room and once again cradling the boy to his chest. "It'll be okay, kiddo... I promise, it'll be okay..."

And boy, did he hope it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... ya know... that was awful. By now I think a lot of you know what's going on, but I'll take guesses too, haha.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what you'd change, or what you'd improve by leaving me a review! Love ya, babes!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know it's been a long time... is six thousand words enough to make up for that?
> 
> Please enjoy!

Life was cruel. Race had learned that years ago. Nothing ever went according to plan and everything he counted on was always ripped away without warning. His mother's love. His father's life. His own ability to be trusted alone. And now, his big brother's sanity.

All of it was gone.

He wanted to fall asleep again. The darkness would be better than waking up to those memories, the ones where his brother raised a hand to strike him, the ones where that same man chased him around their house and knocked him out with a drug, making his entire waking body feel stiff and sore. He wanted to go back- back to simply a few days ago, when everything was still okay. When the family he had was still intact.

It was hard to keep still. He was on his back, his least favorite way to sleep. It wasn't uncommon for him to wake up on his back. Jack would check on him at night, just to make sure he was asleep and not doing something that still scared all of them half to death to this day. Whenever he found Race on his stomach, he'd turn him over. He always said it was bad for the boy to sleep on his stomach, that he'd regret it later or something. But Race really didn't care.

He didn't understand. Not a single bit. His big brother wasn't the enemy. He was supposed to be the one person Race could always count on for anything.

He wasn't supposed to be kidnapped by the man who had fought so hard to take care of them.

"Stay still, Racer..." Race groaned as a hand ran through his hair. He didn't have the strength or the will to push it away. But he knew he couldn't give into it. So he tried to turn his head. "It's okay... you're okay..." Nothing was okay. Everything was so far from okay, it hurt. "It's wearin' off... just relax..."

"This is kidnappin'..." the boy mumbled. He forced his eyes open, only to immediately regret it. The light was piercing. Squeezing his eyes shut, he rolled to his side as much as he could, covering his face with his hands, desperate to get away from the man he loved so dearly. _God,_ he was so confused. But he felt a hand wrap around one of his wrists. "I... I can call the cops! Let me go!"

The way his little brother cried out broke Jack's heart. He never thought he'd see the boy so scared of him. "Racer, please listen ta me? I wouldn't neva' hurt you..." he tried, blinking the tears out of his eyes. If he lost this boy, both of his boys, after everything they'd gone through to stay together, he would never forgive himself. They couldn't go back. Not now, not when they'd finally escaped her. "You know I would never hurt you, or Charlie, or Katherine. Please just let me explain?" He had to. Something terrible could happen if Race didn't calm down, if Race said something he wasn't supposed to say.

Race wasn't supposed to know.

"You're supposed to be safe..."

It was at that moment that Jack wished he could just break the world. That little whisper broke him more than anything ever had. "Baby... look at me..." he pleaded, knowing the boy was still under the influence of the chemical he'd used to knock him out. He couldn't fight against the man as he reached over and carefully maneuvered his little brother so he was practically on his lap. Jack cupped the side of the teenager's head, leaning down, trying to just get the boy to look at him.

A whimper escaped the lips of a boy who may never trust again. He fought against the hold, only making Jack more frightened and frustrated. "Stop fighting, kid... please, just..." The man froze when he caught sight of the boy's arm. His sleeve slipped down, revealing thin lines along his arm. Most of them were old scars, ones that scared Jack everyday, ones that still made him wake up at night panting, doing his best not to scream. But there were a few red lines, ones that could only be a few days old. He was scared to see the rest of the child's arm. "Anthony..." he whispered, cradling the boy's torso with one arm and gently grasping at the child's wrist with the other.

"Get the hell away from me!" The boy's strength was slowly coming back. He wrenched his wrist out of the gentle grasp and pushed away from his big brother's chest with as much force as he could. Scrambling away, he finally was able to get a decent look around the room. He stumbled back against a wall.

The room was almost calming. The colors were light and soft, along with the furniture and decor. There were two couches and an armchair, sitting around a small television that was muted, playing some television show the boy had never seen before. Everything looked like it was meant to be peaceful. Though, it was all irrelevant when Race looked up to see his big brother standing beside the door to the room. He looked down to see the cot he must've been laying on when he'd first woken up.

"Where are we?" he asked, his voice shaking as he couldn't meet his brother's eyes. He was so afraid to see that stranger he'd seen before, the one who'd raised a hand to strike him.

Jack sighed, carding a hand through his own hair and glancing around. "It's a torture chamber," he answered dryly. "I'm going to cuddle you to death." The glare he got in response almost gave him hope. He scoffed and shrugged. "Are you gonna let me explain now?"

"Oh! You're gonna give me a choice now?" Race shot back bravely. "Let's try that! That'll be new and fun!"

A look of hurt crossed over Jack's features. "Listen, kid," he started, his tone dangerously low. The man had always done his best not to fight with his brothers. Fighting was supposed to be over when they'd gotten away from _her_. She was the source of everything negative in their lives. But he was not about to let that one slide. "Everything I have ever done has been to protect you and Charlie. Despite what it feels like right now, all I'm doin' is tryin' ta keep you safe."

"By kidnapping me," Race responded easily, the words leaving his lips before he could hold them back. "Way'da put thought inta that one, _Sully_." He couldn't help it. Sarcasm was his only defense.

For the first time in such a long time, Jack truly didn't know what to do. Ever since that hood had been ripped off of his baby brother's head, he felt like his life had taken a dark turn. This was never supposed to happen. They weren't supposed to be involved. "Anthony-"

Before he could even say what needed to be said, the door swung open. He narrowly missed getting hit by it as he jumped out of the way of it. He almost forgot how quick his little brother was. He just barely caught him around the waist as he darted for the now wide open door, ready to push past the man who was a bit stunned by the sudden action.

"Lemme go!" Race cried out, clawing at his brother's arms and struggling like mad to get out of the iron grip. He may be fast, but he would never be as strong or as smart as Jack. "Please help me! He's crazy!" Race tried, pleading with the man in front of him. He was tall with dark hair, his gaze quickly turning from shocked to worried in seconds. But, the worry wasn't for him.

"Need some help, Jackie?"

Race whined out in frustration. This man wouldn't help him. This man was as crazy as Jack was. "Let me go!" the boy cried out, kicking and struggling in Jack's arms, begging anyone outside that room to just help him. Those arms were supposed to be safe. That voice was supposed to be calming. It wasn't.

"Now really ain't the time, Davey," Jack forced out, having a hard time holding the child still. He looked up at the other man, catching the doubtful look he gave him. "Shut up, Jacobs," he groaned out before backing towards the couch and roughly wrestling his brother down so he was sitting on top of it. Race still struggled, pushing against Jack's chest, all until Jack grabbed his wrists tightly and straddled his lap holding him as still as he could. "Why are you so stubborn, kid?"

"He must've learned from the best," Davey smirked, crossing his arms as he stared over the scene.

As Race continued to growl and kick at him, Jack spared a glare over at the taller man. "I'm glad you find this amusing," he spat, only causing Davey to shrug. But Jack just turned back to his boy, his whole face softening at the frustrated, angry, confused tears beginning to fall down his cheeks. "C'mon, Race... it's _me_. I ain't the bad guy. Please just let me explain," the young man pleaded softly.

"You work for the most dangerous man in the entire city!" Race cried out. "You acted like you ain't neva' seen me before in your life! You threatened _Crutchie_!"

Jack glared back at Davey who still seemed way too amused by this whole situation. He shook his head at him before turning back to his baby brother. "Kid... I don't work for Snyder... Francis Sullivan does. It's a cover..." At this, the boy stilled a little bit, though he was still scowling as tears trailed down from his bright blue eyes. "When I saw that it was you they brought in..." He couldn't even finish that statement. It was one of the scariest moments of his entire life. "It was just a' cover..."

"A cover that you almost blew," David scolded, taking a step closer to the boy. Jack rolled his eyes and glared back at the other man.

"Not helping, Jacobs!" he hissed.

The other man snorted and leaning up against the wall across from the brothers and watching the scene, not seeming at all phased by what was happening.

"What the hell does that mean?" Race whimpered out. He locked his eyes in on Jack. He tried to force himself to calm down. Jack was supposed to calm him down. He'd never been scared of Jack. Not like this. He just wanted his big brother to calm him down.

"Just tell him, Jack..." Davey sighed.

"What?" Race asked, sounding so anxious Jack's heart hurt.

The man didn't want to do this. He studied the face of his baby brother for just another moment before everything changed forever, before the boy had to shoulder so much more than he should have to. Before the truth came out. He looked so innocent in that moment, despite everything they'd been through. And Jack hated that he had to say these words. But he had to.

Jack Kelly bid farewell to normal for the rest of his life as his most sacred secret slid from his lips. "I'm a spy, kid..."

" _What?_ "

_The silence was aggravating. Neither of them could muster up the courage or strength to speak. Crutchie stared straight ahead, his cheeks going numb to the tears streaming down them. He couldn't feel anything at the moment, all of his emotions drained out of him in the last twenty-four hours._

_It was twenty minute drive that felt like years. The boy curled up in the passenger seat, watching the world pass him by. Nothing felt normal. Everything was off and painful and terrifying._

_"Did you finish your homework, Crutch?" He almost flinched at his big brother's voice. He didn't respond. He knew it was Jack's desperate attempt at making this whole situation feel normal, making him feel like it would all be okay. But Charlie had never seen Jack cry like that before. He'd never seen his big brother so scared. "Charlie..."_

_"Why can't I stay?" the boy whined out. Wiping at his face. His cheeks were soaked. He was dehydrated. He didn't care._

_With a sigh, Jack pulled into their space, turning off the car and turning to him with a sad look on his face. Crutchie could still see the dried tears on his face. He could see the bags under his eyes. Jack hadn't slept in over a full day. The boy feared neither of them would ever again. "Kiddo... I don't want you spendin' the night at the hospital-"_

_"You are! Why do I have to go home when-" He was cut off when his guardian grabbed his hand. The grip was kept with a kind of intensity that he didn't have the strength to argue with. "I... don't wanna leave him there..." he croaked out, clearly trying to contain his sobs. He knew Jack would lose it all over again if he lost it first. They couldn't be strong right now._

_Jack reached out, his hand landing perfectly against Charlie's cheek as he shook his head. "He is gonna be okay... I promise..."_

_But Charlie shook his head. "You can't promise that..." he mumbled, beginning to crumble. He did not want to go back upstairs to that mess without the person who made it. He did not want to be left here alone. Just because he had a warm bed here didn't mean he'd be able to sleep in it. "He... I didn't know, Jack... how did I not see it?"_

_The boy fell forward until his forehead hit the chest of his protector and the man held him tight. "Hey... this is not your fault," he whispered sternly. "None of this is your fault, do you understand that?"_

_The truth was, Crutchie didn't understand that. He should've seen it. He should've known. He should've been more involved. He wished he could go back in time and reread the signs. There had to be signs. Somewhere, some that Crutchie had missed along the way. It couldn't just be so sudden._

_"C'mon, baby... lets go upstairs..."_

And so they had. Up to this apartment that they all loved so much. Up to the apartment that was so quiet tonight.

Quiet was not something Crutchie was super accustom to. It reminded him too much of that night, after it all happened, not knowing what was happening to his family across town just because Jack had been trying to protect him. It reminded him of that night when he'd watched his guardian struggle to clean up the bathroom before he left him alone in an apartment that was too big and too silent for him.

It was too quiet. Now. Now when Crutchie was trying so desperately to close his eyes. He didn't want to. He knew what sight would rush to greet him- haunt him- when he did. He couldn't bear to see it all again, for what felt like the millionth time in his life.

There were no giggles shared across the hall. There were no soft snores from the room beside his. He was alone. He didn't like it. Something bad always happened when things were this quiet.

It was dark. Crutchie knew it was a bad idea to stay up until his brothers got home, but he had to ease his nerves somehow. So, with a sigh, he sat up on his bed, shoving the blankets away and grabbing his crutch off of the ground. He wiped at his face, hating the feeling of tears streaming down his cheeks, as he stood on his one good leg and left his own room, heading down to the next door on his left. The room right next to his.

The door swung open with ease and Charlie let himself relax a bit at the sight. Everything was still intact. Clothes were littered on the ground, along with shoes and socks. The bed was hardly made, the comforter more than likely just pulled up to give Jack the illusion at a glance that any work had actually been done. Posters still hung on the walls and the specific familiar scent of his big brother still hung in the air.

Crutchie leaned his crutch up against the wall and hobbled towards the bed, letting himself collapse on it. When he woke up, Race's arms would be around him.

And everything would be okay.

Everything was not okay. Race was not okay. Nothing was okay.

"Okay, you gotta breathe for me, kid," Jack let out, a nervous laugh playing at his lips. He watched his kid trying to put the puzzle pieces together in his head. This is what he'd been afraid of. "Please say somethin'..."

Those big blue eyes looked at him in shock. "Like what, Jack?!"

"Look, he said something! Now, can I please talk to you about why the hell you didn't tell the boss what happened?" David butted in, his tone almost light. Jack rolled his eyes, he could hear the disapproval behind it. He didn't care to have this conversation in front of his brother who was still trying like mad to process this information.

"Been a little busy tryin' ta keep my kid from gettin' himself killed, Dave!" Jack shot back, but the fear that widened Race's eyes didn't help anything. Jack didn't know what to do. He hated that he just didn't know what to do. Touch was always something that calmed Race down, the ability to know that he was there without words, just a sign of affection from his big brother. But the second Jack moved his hand to do anything, the boy flinched, moving away as much as he could with Jack still on top of him on the couch. "Racer... c'mon... talk ta me... I ain't gonna hurt you..."

That was hard to believe. The boy had so many questions rolling around in his head. Jack had kidnapped him, drugged him, pinned him down and done everything he could to keep him quiet. Sure, Jack had technically kidnapped him before, but that was so much different. That had been to protect him... "You _lied_ ta us, Jack... how do I know ya ain't lyin' now?" He didn't. He was terrified he'd never trust Jack again, or anyone for that matter. This was beyond anything he'd ever seen.

A sigh escaped Jack's lips as he turned to look at David again for a split second. He let up on his grip of his baby brother's wrists as he turned back to him. Race didn't push him away, but that didn't necessarily make Jack feel any better. Race was afraid of him. That's why he wasn't fighting back. "I need you to know that I love you, okay? Tell me you know that..."

Tears sparked in Race's eyes. If there was one thing he knew, it was that Jack was not their mother. Yes, he was scared and yes, maybe Jack had been lying to him. But deep down, Race knew that Jack still loved him, despite everything that just happened. So he sniffled and reluctantly nodded. "I-I know that..."

Jack felt himself relax a little when his baby brother admitted that. He slowly stood, allowing the boy his own freedom to move again. "An' I need ya to know that no matter what happens, I am still your brother. I haven't changed, okay?"

"C'mon Jackie, this is insane!" Race argued, still antsy and confused. "You expect me to believe that you're a spy? N' that you were able to keep it from me and Charlie for... for-"

"Five years and a half years..." Jack responded for him. "Believe me, kid, it was the exact opposite of easy. You guys are nosy little bastards..." he joked, trying like hell to lighten the mood. Race didn't laugh. He just stared at Jack like this whole thing had to be some kind of prank. Like those shows on tv. This wasn't real. It couldn't be. "Hey... lemme show you..." he whispered, extending his hand out towards the kid as slowly as he dared to, trying to show the kid that it would all be okay. But Race still hesitated. "C'mon, kiddo... please?"

The boy glanced over towards David who was still leaning against the wall, his features neutral and hard to read. He made Race nervous. He seemed like a hard ass to him. And Jack was a complete stranger at the moment too. But he knew he couldn't stay in that room forever. That's not the way this worked. So, against his better judgement, he took his guardian's hand and let himself be pulled to his feet, though, when Jack tried to wrap an arm around him, he moved away.

He didn't look up to see the way Jack's heart broke at that.

But he let his brother and David lead him out of that room. _The Quiet Room_ , as the sign above the door read. David, still impossible to read, was ahead of them, walking into what looked like some kind of headquarters. Race froze in the doorway. The entire world seemed to turn and look at him, somehow sensing that he didn't belong here. He felt himself freeze as the fear came to paralyze him again.

Every person there had a gun strapped to them somewhere. They weren't like the one's that Snyder and his crew had, but they were still guns. There were more men than there were woman and every person there was buff and fit and could easily over power him. They all stared at him for a minute, looking between him and Jack for a while before going back to whatever they were doing at the mass of desks everywhere. The place was huge. Stairs made their way down the center of the room, leading up to God knows where and Race couldn't move.

It only took Jack a second to realize his brother was no longer behind him. A small smirk played at his lips as he stopped in his tracks. He allowed himself to be selfish for just a second as he slowly turned around and opened up his arms. "C'mon, kid..." Race rushed to him without even thinking, trusting that he'd be safe in his arms. He would be. Jack would die before he let anything happen to this boy. "No one here is gonna hurt ya. Especially not me..."

Race didn't respond. He didn't fully melt into Jack's embrace like he always did, but his story sure as hell seemed to be checking out. "What the hell is this, Jack?" he asked, his voice small and shaken.

Jack just held him tighter. "It's my work, Racer..." he sighed, maneuvering past his coworkers with ease, following Davey to the best spot for the boy at that point. They walked until they found three desks clustered in the middle of a kind of cubical. Phones rung every few minutes around them and people greeted Jack with a smile as they passed, giving Race odd looks until they got there.

When they reached that small work spot, Race's heart sped up. David has taken a place at one of the desks, his feet up on the thing near one computer, while he grabbed for a smaller laptop that he set a top his legs and immediately began typing away on. And sitting at another desk just beside him, was a smaller man, more than likely shorter than Race, digging around in a drawer for something. His huge muscles were seen easily through the tight t-shirt he wore. He had dark hair and dark eyes and Race was positive he could kill him with his bare hands.

"Spotty, get the hell outta my desk," Jack ordered, the second he saw him. Race tensed a little bit as the man glared up at him, shoving the drawer shut. Davey didn't flinch, just grabbed his cup of coffee with ease before it fell off of the edge of his desk.

The guy stood up quick. It was almost comical how short he was, despite him being stronger that even Jack. Race didn't like that thought. "I know you have it, Kelly!"

Groaning, Jack rolled his eyes. "What'd I do this time, Conlon?"

"You took my key! Where is it?!" the man demanded, taking a dangerous step closer to Jack. Race tried to back up, but his brother held him still.

A laugh rang out in the room and they all turned to look at David, who- without even looking up- had opened one of his own drawers and grabbed a small chain with a small key hanging off of it. "Sorry, I forgot that I used it ta get your report the other day." The thing was snatched from his hand in a second. He was still smirking as he typed away in front of them.

Shaking his head, Jack sighed and turned to face his little brother. "Sorry, Tones..." he murmured with a nickname that rarely slipped from his lips. But he was able to run a hand over the child's hair before he gestured to the two other men. "These two idiots are my team," he explained. "You met David Jacobs, our hacker and computer genius-"

"Basically, the brains," the man added, still not looking up. Jack just scoffed and moved on.

"And this is Scott Conlon. But 'round here we all call him Spot," Jack smirked. Race just looked between the two strangers. "He's the muscle. He has two black belts." This only made Race more uneasy. "I'm almost caught up to him, though," he announced proudly.

"Yeah, only cause I have ta teach you," Spot scoffed back, sitting down at his own desk.

Race wanted to run. He felt so out of place. But the arm around him held him still. "Hey, I'll have you know that I'm highly trained and extremely dangerous," Jack informed easily, taking a playfully threatening step closer to other man who only shrugged.

"What, like I'm not?" Conlon shot back, laughing at the other man, his emotions changing so easily it was scary. Race's heart stopped when the guy's deep brown eyes landed on him. He did his best to hide behind Jack, not about to take his chances with this stranger who looked so threatening. "Who's this?"

That seemed to bring Jack back to the task at hand. He wished he could just forget the boy was here, somewhere he should've never known existed. "Fellas, this is my kid brother, Racer... he followed me ta The Refuge."

The way Spot's eyes widened at that made Race curious. But he refused to form a question. So Spot did it for him. "You met the Spider?" Race only gave him a confused look in response. Like it was hard. They took him. He hadn't had much of a choice.

"Spida'?" he asked, not fully understanding.

"Snyder the Spider," Jack clarified, the name spat like his tongue like it was some kind of poison. "The worst crime boss in New York City... The Refuge is his headquarters."

A look of approval washed over Spot's face. Race still did not move from behind his brother. "You got some balls, kid," he commented, nodding and shrugging a little bit with a laugh. "You didn't know you had a tail?" he asked, turning to Jack who only gawked and fished for a response of some kind.

"I didn't think my kid brotha' would hack inta my phone, ditch school, and come follow me ta work! No! He's sneaky as hell," Jack shot back. He had truly been too stressed to realize it. His little brother shouldn't have been anywhere close to that.

"You _hacked_ Jack's phone?" Davey asked, suddenly sitting up straighter, looking a bit shocked at the new information. Race was more nervous than he'd ever been in his life. But this man was almost impressed. The boy didn't respond, but his silence was enough for David as a sly and smug grin washed over him. "Boss is gonna kill you, Kelly," he laughed.

"Speakin' of," Spot added immediately, a smaller but still ever present smirk on his tough features. "He stopped by just 'fore you showed up with the kid. Wan's a briefin'. Didn't seem too happy..."

Jack wrapped his arm further around his little brother, grumbling out something incoherent under his breath. "He can wait," he decided after a moment, glancing down at his boy and seeing the confusion and fear written so clearly on his features. Jack hated it all so much. "I'm goin' downstairs. I gotta talk ta m'brotha'... alone..."

With a small nod, Spot pulled out a file and began reading intently. "Yeah. Teach the kid how ta shoot. That'll calm him down..." he joked offhandedly, kicking his feet up on the desk like Davey's has been before. The other man just rolled his eyes and continued typing away at his computer. But Race's eyes widened at the statement. Though, he didn't have much time to argue before he was being led away without another word. He could feel the anxiety raising off of Jack. He didn't like it. Jack was the calm one.

At least he had been. Now Race wasn't so sure.

He let Jack lead him to an elevator. His bright blue eyes wildly trailed around, pressing further into his big brother's side whenever someone caught sight of him, looking up from their busy world for only a second and being confused when they saw a young stranger in their presence. Jack's presence felt odd at best, but Race tried to imagine it was yesterday...

Yesterday before everything he'd known turned out to be a lie. Yesterday when he'd known his brother's secrets and tells. Yesterday when he felt _safe_. But it wasn't yesterday anymore.

The ride down was silent as Jack's arm slipped from around him. Race wasn't going to run. He was too tired. He didn't like the fact that his big brother caught onto that all too quickly. But the second the doors opened, the boy's curiosity got the better of him. "Where're we goin'?" he whispered, almost afraid of the reaction he'd get if he spoke to loudly. Jack just smiled, almost sadly as he motioned for the blond to follow him down the hallway they stepped off in.

"Racer... I know you're scared, okay? Of me, even..." he admitted, still not warming up to that idea at all. He never would. His boys couldn't be scared of him all he ever did was try to protect them. "But there's some things you gotta undastand here..."

They walked through the hallways, into a dark room, where Jack held the door opened for his kid brother. Race was still stunned, trying to catch up. He felt like he'd missed something. Only one thing was ringing over and over again in his brain, rattling him and scaring him too much.

_"I'm a spy, kid..."_

His head was spinning. He watched, still in silence, as his big brother, the man who raised him, grabbed a gun from another man Race had never seen before. One he didn't have the time or will to remember. The fact that Jack held a gun in his hand shook Race to the core. "What the hell are you doin'?" he rushed out, stopping in his tracks and watching as the man approached a small window, looking out across a range of targets. It was then the boy realized they were in a small shooting range of some kind, like the one's he'd seen on TV.

This couldn't be real.

Jack turned around to look at his little boy, too grown up for his liking. He remembered when this boy, this little tiny screaming thing, had been handed to him those too short seventeen years ago. He'd only been six when his heart had been stolen by those blue eyes, when he'd dedicated his life to making sure that boy was protected. "Racer... do you wanna know what your dad said to me the day I found out he wasn't gonna make it?"

Race tensed, memories flashing through his mind. He didn't want to think about all those nights spend wailing in waiting rooms and passing out on hospital beds out of pure exhaustion. He didn't want to think about the final moments and the way the beeping was suddenly one dead line. But shook his head, wanting to hear it. Wanting to know what this had to do with anything. "What?"

The young man ran a hand through his hair, glancing down at the pistol in his hand. "He told me that if I brought you or Charlie anywhere near this, he'd come back and haunt me till the day I died..." Jack remembered, laughing a little as he recalled the smile of the man that was the only father he'd ever known. "Then he said, if ya did find out... ta teach ya how ta protect yerself..." The fact that he was doing this made him a little anxious. He didn't like taking these precautions. But he did.

"Wait, what?" Race's heart just about tore in two. "He _knew_?!"

Jack only nodded, grabbing the pair of glasses left, discarded on the counter he stood behind, though, the headset he just grabbed, turning to his baby brother, and placing it over the boy's ears before grabbing another pair of glasses and gently pushing the over the kid's eyes, gesturing for him to follow as he walking back over to the window. There was a target there waiting for him. He lifted up his weapon, training his focus on the cut out he could only imagine as one person. The worst man he'd ever come across and the most challenging assignment he'd ever had.

_Snyder..._

Shots were fired. Five exactly. He saw Race flinch out of the corner of his eye. He didn't turn back as he pushed a button, causing the target to come closer. Perfect. Three to the head and two to the heart.

That man deserved worse.

"Jack..." Race breathed, not knowing what to think.

Jack set the gun down on the counter, disarming the thing in the process. He slowly turned to the boy, heading over to press a soft kiss to the boy's head. He was relieved when the kid didn't pull away or flinch at his touch. He pulled the headphones off the boy, letting them hang around his neck. "Look..." he said after a moment of just looking at his brother, making sure he wasn't going to try and bolt again. "I didn't _want_ to keep this from you or Charlie _or_ Katherine... but-"

"But _what_ , Jack?" Race cut off, tears pricking at his eyes as the stress of the last day truly caught up with him, the terror of everything rushing through his body all over again. "But you don't think this is something we need ta know?"

"But I was tryin' ta protect you!" Jack insisted, his voice rising in his haste to try and explain. "Kid... you have no idea what this job is like... these people that I help bring down? They's _bad_ people. If they found out who I was, they wouldn't come after me. They'd go after the people closest to me! Charlie, Katherine and _you_! And if you knew anything about this..." Jack couldn't bear the thought. The nightmares haunted him before. He didn't want to think about it.

"So you lied to us instead..." Race finished for him, bitterness rolling off his tongue without his consent.

Jack shook his head, cupping a hand over his baby brother's cheek and grasping the boy's arm with the other. "Anthony... you have no idea what kind of shit has gone down with other agents getting their family involved. I hate that you know. It ain't because I don't trust you... it's because I love you so goddamn much..." The small tremor in Jack's voice was too loud. "That day... the day where Charlie found you... Race that was the scariest day a' my life..." he admitted, tears filling up his eyes simply at the memory.

Race looked down in shame. He didn't know how to respond.

" _I. Can't. Lose you,_ baby..." Jack breathed. "If one a' these marks got you n' hurt you because a' _me_ I would never forgive myself..."

The boy knew that all too well. He didn't respond. But maybe he understood a little bit more. It didn't make him feel better.

"C'mere..." Jack nodded lightly, walking back over to the counter. Reluctantly, the boy followed, his heart in his throat as he knew what must've been about to happen. But he knew Jack wouldn't let him out of this. Not if he thought it was what was best.

"Jack, I really don't-"

"Relax, Racer... I'm not gonna make you shoot a gun with real bullets in it. But this is what we gotta do. You gotta be able to protect yourself..."

In only a few short moments, the boy ended up holding a pistol full of blanks. He didn't like the weight of the thing in his hands. Jack stood behind him, ready to help him through whatever was about to happen. He felt Jack's arms surround him and suddenly the weapon was held out in front of him. The headphones were positioned on his ears, just so Race could hear Jack's voice and not be harmed by the pop of the shots. "Relax... watch the target..."

Race did as he was told. His emotions were everywhere. He was confused. He was scared. He was angry. But being in his brother's arms again, after all of that... he somehow felt safe.

He took a deep breath and rolled back his shoulders, training all of his focus onto that target.

And then he pulled the trigger.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. That was so much.
> 
> Again! I'm so sorry for the wait, guys!
> 
> Ummm yes... so I just had idea months ago that Jack calls Crutchie and Race "Baby" because I feel like, why not? They're super close and Jack loves them like they're his own kids and such. So... yeah. I just like it. I have it in a lot of my unposted stories.
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for reading! Please be sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what you'd change or what you'd improve by leaving me a review! Love ya friends!

**Author's Note:**

> Well there it was. I could call this the calm before the storm. In the next few chapters things are gonna get maybe a bit more intense.
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy this one!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, what you'd change or what you'd improve by leaving me a review! Love ya, babes!


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